The Third Awakening
by AerieD
Summary: The Italian part of New Moon didn't happen and Bella settled with Jake. When Edward return and see her happy, its too late. But as fate intervenes and tear Jake and Bella apart, how will she handle the dangerous world around her? Ev, Jasper/Bella !
1. Delusional

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, I only borrow and play with her characters for my own amusement, and – if possible – yours as well.

**Summary: **The story is set about a year and a half after Edward's disappearance in New Moon where he never heard of Bella's "suicide" and thus never tried to get himself killed by the Volturi. Bella moved on with her 'Paris', graduated from high school and is moderately happy with Jacob. But, fate suddenly intervenes to tear them apart and Bella is left alone as danger approaches yet again, forcing her to ally with the most unlikely Cullen of them all… and what did Alice actually _see_ when she just had to leave the Cullen house on that pivotal birthday party?

**Rating: **soft M

**Warnings: **Some lemon and limes but far far from PWP. Some language, implied violence, blood and gore (this is a vampire world after all).

**General info:** Possibly 'Darkward' but in my opinion more like 'Idiotward' ;), and minor Alice-bashing. Pace-wise think 'Eclipse' but with a bit more happenings and turns. This won't be angst, only incorporating angsty tendencies from time to time.

**Pairings:** Bella/Jasper, slow building romance

**Author's Notes:** All right, my first attempt at writing fanfiction, so please tell me what you think. Almost the entire story is planned out and I promise to finish it unless literally incapable or if no one wants me to. Don't freak out over the wolf presence in the beginning – this is not a Jacob story even if it may seem that way initially – I will need them though at times throughout the story. For all you Jasper-lovers _(myself included);_ it may take awhile before he shows up, I'm laying down the background first. Thanks also to _Colliding Meteors_ by _IdreamofEddy_ which served as my main inspiration to start writing this story.  
_Original update: 2010-01-10  
_

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_The Third Awakening_**  
Chapter 1 – Delusional**

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**Bella:**

_Edward?_

My panting breath caught in my throat and I could feel my ragged heart come to an abrupt, thudding stop when I saw his beautiful, pale face briefly illuminated through the window against the black sky. My mind swirled as dark, furious eyes locked with mine before the vision vanished as quickly as it had appeared, leaving me stunned and disbelievingly trying to calm my now frantic heart._ Did that just happen?_

No, it couldn't have been _him_, obviously not. I chided myself for the feelings of hope, closely followed by disappointment that flashed through me and slowly managed to relax and reboot. It couldn't be...? NO, it hadn't been him. I shook my head infinitesimally; coming to the only possible conclusion - disturbing as it may be. _I was delusional, again._

But why the hell did I come up with that illusion and why now? What was wrong with me, thinking of Edward while _having sex_ with Jacob? That was just sick! My breath hitched for another reason altogether; anguish and guilt overcoming me briefly and the familiar emotions battled with the disgust I suddenly felt for a few moments before I forced myself to refocus; _come on Bella, you're not alone here - Jake!_

I tried to seal my mind away from the unwanted thoughts and feelings that fought to overwhelm me while tugging a sweat-soaked lock of hair behind my ear. I was usually pretty good at this, keeping the broken parts of my mind locked away tightly, the sore edges of my pierced-through heart numbed and desensitized. Jake knew what a wreck I was and still he loved me. I loved him too, of course, in my own way, though not as much as he deserved and not as I had loved… _him_.

Even as Jake's warm breath slowly graced over my collarbone and breast, so close to my heart, I felt cold as ice, unable to shake the disturbing feeling away. A brief shiver escaped my strong hold and I bit my lower lip in response, my hands stroking Jacob's strong arms that encircled me in a loving embrace.

Only a few seconds had passed since I'd imagined seeing his beautiful, livid face through the window before I fully managed to bring my mind back to Jake's warm lips, warm hands, warm body close to mine. I looked up into his beautiful face and realized that Jake, always so tuned into my mood swings had noticed something was wrong. He slowed his pace and returned my gaze with worried, dark eyes.

"Bella...what's wrong?" The tone of his voice spoke more than his eyes had. Worry, dread, resignation. Why couldn't I keep from hurting him, over and over again? I'd hurt everyone I loved, Charlie, Renee and ultimately Jacob with my continued fixation with the _one who got away_. I almost smirked internally at my overly casual reference.

"Nothing is wrong, Jake" I assured him while clearing my head.

"And don't stop…" I tried, probably unsuccessfully, to sounds alluring while I traced my hands from his face along his hard-muscled chest and stomach before gently circling his root with my hand and guided him deeper towards my center again where he belonged.

But of course, Jake wasn't fooled.

"Bella, you promised you wouldn't do this." His voice was reproachful as he pulled completely out and stretched his long, naked body out beside me. The sight of his tall defined frame uncovered usually warmed my cheeks with the all too familiar blush even after all this time, but for once my torrent of emotions had no room for that appreciation.

Jake didn't lose eye contact and a warm hand touch my cheek when no words escaped my lips.

"You know I can smell it right - the adrenaline pulsing through your veins? Just tell me what happened." He smiled a little to reassure me.

_Damned supernatural senses!_ I was busted. And he was right, I _had_ promised not to keep my dark twisted thoughts from him. It was the only way I'd feel comfortable with being with him and letting him love me. It was only fair that he knew what a big pile of mess he was dealing with_. Sleeping with_. _Living with._ It was fair, but I didn't enjoy hurting him as I was about to do now.

"I just thought I saw his face through the window, looking at us. When I focused my eyes he was gone. I obviously imagined it." I blurted out in one breath. Obviously not needing to elaborate on whom 'he' entailed.

Of course, it didn't matter; Jacob had heard it all even though I was mumbling through my teeth. His hand was suddenly very still, frozen and hard on my face and I felt his whole body tense beside me. A small shudder rippled from him through soft fabric of the bed-covers.

"You thought you saw him?" He roared at me, and for a moment the name Emily passed through my head. But then, in a heartbeat, his rage vanished and was replaced with something much more terrifying.

"You imagined seeing him, while having sex with me." It was stated calmly, resigned, but he looked completely heartbroken.

I abruptly sat up in front of him, my anguish probably crystal clear on my face. "Oh Jake, I'm so sorry. It just happened, I wasn't thinking of him – I swear!" My hands clasped his shoulders and tried unsuccessfully to pull him towards me. _Jake, please... _

The resigned tone of his voice scared me, even though I'd been waiting for this moment to arrive. My biggest fear in this hint of a normal life that I'd created for myself was that Jake would give up on me - for good. The fact that I on some level thought that he should didn't help dissolve the lump forming in my stomach or stop the now growing panic.

I resorted to pleading. "Jake…" No response. "Jacob Black, look at me!" I shouted and his head popped up to meet my tear-streamed gaze. His eyes had a glazed coating to them that dared me to lie and I knew I wouldn't. I felt almost paralyzed with confusing guilt and terror but forced myself to focus on making Jake feel better and wished and begged to any deity that was out there for this moment to grow into just another bad memory.

I calmed myself as much as possible before continuing. "I'm with you now. .you."

He grunted disbelievingly at me and I hit him hard on the shoulder. _Ouch_. I knew he could hardly feel my punch, but at least he would _see_ it. I put my hand on his hot chest, over his beating heart.

"I do love you; you know I do, but..." I sighed and continued; "but you know my history, you know I'm…not complete. I'm broken and…I'm trying as hard as I can, ok? It's not the same as… but I really was focused on you, just now. I actually don't know what happened…" I heard the curiosity in my voice with the last sentence.

What had happened, exactly? I wasn't thinking of him, I hadn't for a really long time, but somehow my subconscious had brought him to the forefront of my mind and ruined this moment with Jacob. Was I punishing myself?

Sometimes I wondered if it really was possible to love someone the way I'd loved Edward_. _Could anyone feel such everlasting, all consuming love or was there something more behind it? Of course I had loved him, with my heart and soul, but maybe the _magnitude_ of it was an illusion, a result of something else. Perhaps the power of first love, the sheer wonder of it all, was amplified by his supernatural world, by the love I felt for his family or by the danger and fear that surrounded us?

_No!_ Part of me responded harshly, but the rest of me still wondered. It had destroyed me, punched a hole through my chest and broken me beyond repair when he left. It _had_ felt like nothing could compare, but now - It felt impossible to be completely certain. Everything seemed more like a distant dream than my actual past. Jake's warm heart thudding beneath my hand felt real, though. Jake had pulled me through it.

Loving Jacob felt comfortable, safe and warm. It felt like curling up on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book on a rainy, autumn day. Like home. Loving Edward had felt exhilarating, impossible and earth-shattering. Like jumping from a cliff or running as fast as you can until you feel like you can't breathe anymore. Sometimes I wished I could've combined the two into one person, one love.

Jake looked slightly mollified. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't blame you but…I guess I just thought it was over." He sighed and continued. "I mean, it was like six months since you last reacted to anything concerning _them_, and I thought that you were finally past it."

He kept his eyes locked on a lose thread in the quilt covering the foot of the bed, looking a little embarrassed. "I thought you were finally mine."

I drew a quick breath and felt something stab at the center of my heart.

"Oh Jake" Despair colored my every syllable while I hugged him with everything I had. The sensation of his warm chest against mine made me shiver in the cool night air. I knew I'd been wrong to allow him to hope like this. I'd known he would hope, deep down I even wanted him to, just as I knew it was fruitless. I would never be completely past losing him, losing _them_. I'd lost an entire family, a life, a future, for crying out loud! Part of me died with their leaving and there is nothing that can reawaken the dead.

"I'm selfish for being with you, when I know you think that's possible" I said with a stoic voice, trying to hold it together. I didn't think I could handle losing Jake too, but for his sake I knew he should move on.

"I _am_ yours, but part of me will always be unavailable-". Out of order. _Closed indefinitely. Out for lunch._

He interrupted before I could continue. "I know Bella, but I love you and… well, I have to hope, even if it is impossible. You know how I love a lost cause." He grinned at me, seemingly sincere.

"It's okay babe, really, don't sweat it." I opened my mouth to contradict him when the silent night was pierced through by a demanding howl coming from the north. Something about the sound made us both tense for a heartbeat before Jacob flew of the bed as if it had suddenly burst into flames.

We looked at each other; the world seemed to pause for a moment with so many unspoken words still hanging in the air between us. Before I could express any of them, Jake turned on the spot and shouted over his back-

"It's Sam, something is seriously wrong!" Another howl broke the night as Jake flew out the door.

"Be careful" I whispered after him, knowing he could still hear me.

The emptiness he left behind felt eerily foreboding and I couldn't chase away the feeling that my life was about to change irrevocably…again.

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**So...did you like it? **

**The next chapter will be Jake's POV and then Edward's POV and then we're really taking off. =)**

**And also, English is not my first language so if you've seen any inexcusable errors, please let me know.**


	2. Through the Looking Glass

**Disclaimer: I obviously do not own Twilight or any of its characters**

**AN: I decided to change it up a bit and put Edward in Chapter 2 instead, it just made more sense. Also, this chapter will contain my first ever lemon. It is from a third person perspective, so it's probably not as hot as it will be later on. ;-)  
**

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Chapter 2 - Through the Looking Glass

**  
Edward's POV:**

Turn around; you promised her!

_I just need to check on her - see that she's all right._

You're not doing this for her, you're being selfish.

_I'll keep my distance; I just need to see her!_

My desperate, internal chatter went on and on. You'd think that being alone in the woods would ensure some silence for once. My better side had lost the final battle in a war that had been reigning for almost a year and a half now. Some part of me had always known it would end like this. I wasn't good, I didn't do the right thing; I was – I am – a monster.

I could hardly remember who I was anymore. Even who I'd used to be, what I'd used to do, before _her, _had become a blurred, tainted ghost of a memory. Months, days, hours, _seconds_ – had all blurred together, lost all meaning as life held no variation. There was only Bella. And Bella meant excruciating pain, endless torture as I went over every wrong choice I'd made, every word I'd said and everything I'd done to lead up to this. I really, truly, deserved what I got.

The forest was lifeless; animals usually sensed us coming and hid, holding their breaths as we passed by. Of course, the beating of their hearts - the smell of their blood pulsing invitingly through their veins – was impossible to disguise from a vampire. Even the air was still, stagnant, as if nothing had changed in these woods since I'd last been here.

I was approaching the small city of Forks, and if I'd had a heart, it would have been beating furiously, lodged in my throat right about now. As it were, my pace quickened and in a moment of suspended anticipation, I broke through the last small patch of tree branches. Stopping abruptly as if I had run into a solid, brick wall, I found myself in front of a small house, nestled close to the forest line.

_Bella!_

The internal voices were in unison for once.

The most delicious, intoxicating scent hit me like a swarm of bees, stinging everywhere. I smiled wistfully. I had yearned for this familiar, scorching pain for so long now. My steps were careful as I slowly crept along the side of her house to reach the back lawn. The burn in my throat intensified and I could feel the monster stir restlessly inside - feel his growing anticipation. In stunned surprise, I realized I had to struggle to keep him from seizing control.

This really was a bad idea.

Being away from her for so long had obviously made her blood more potent, more impossible to resist. I felt cold as I realized what the decision to come here might actually cost me. If it hadn't been for the incredibly unappetizing smell of a wet dog-carcass that lay like a thick blanket everywhere, I may not have been able to continue.

"Oh Jake…" Bella's pleasant moan cut through the night. For a second the world stopped and I was overcome by joyous relief. I felt my whole body relax; my muscles released their tight suspension as the constant agony that held me cramped up into a misshapen caricature of a man, lifted its veil. I sighed, Bella was here and she was okay.

That's when I heard his thoughts.

In the time it would have taken a pin drop to the floor I climbed up the wall and hung, suspended in one arm from the ledge above her window, involuntarily captivated by the scene in front of me.

Bella's naked back was towards the window, coated with a thin layer of moisture. Her beautiful thick, mahogany hair clung to her shoulders as she arched her head back while moving her hips in the most mesmerizing way; up and down in a low, steady pace. From his mind I watched the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed play out. A small, pale face, framed with dark tests of disarrayed locks. Her big brown eyes, almost black with desire burning deep within, looked right into mine - stunning me. Full red lips were parted slightly as a low moan escaped them, and she slowly licked the bottom half with her tongue.

His gaze lingered on those lips for a second before trailing down, caressing her with their stare, finally coming to rest on her heaving chest. A flash of light pink blushed on her creamy skin, trailing up to a much darker shade around her tight nipples. I saw a dark russet-colored hand that wasn't mine reach up and caress one of her soft, luscious breast, teasingly circling her hard top. I heard his mind enjoy the heavy feel of it, the soft, delicate skin and the resistance of the flesh to his touch. It felt cold to him, which almost made me snap out of his head in shock. _Bella was warm._

Her response however, was intense and immediate. I heard a short gasp as she pulled me – him – towards her, crushing her lips to his in a passionate, wild kiss. He playfully responded, grasping her hips with both hands and in a swift, almost graceful movement, tumbled around and pushed her back against the cover of the bed, without disentangling their connected limbs or stopping the steady movement of their bodies.

Now, she let him be in charge, leaning back entirely with one hand tracing intricate patterns on one of his muscular arms. Her eyes were closed and she looked completely happy and content, with the underlying current of desire.

That's when I finally snapped out of his head. The sharp, excruciating pain that went through me in that moment made sensing anything else impossible.

During our time apart, I had played every version of Bella over and over in my head like a twisted slide show. Every look she'd ever had, every expression in her eyes - I knew by heart and cherished.

That's how I knew that she had never – ever – looked like _that_ with me. I felt something fundamental break inside me.

The monster roared with fury and jealousy, pain and regret clawed themselves through the sane part of my mind. I suppose I should be glad, my plan had worked; Bella had obviously moved on, found someone to make her happy and she was probably better off for it. But who was _he_ to deserve_ her_?

That thought stunned me for a second. Who was he? Trying to see through the red haze, my eyes focused on the image before me.

The man was _huge_. The way his body was built and moved suggested at an age a lot older than Bella's, even so, there were something eerily familiar about him. His thoughts didn't help much as they were entirely focused on her; how she looked, the intoxicating smell of her arousal and how it felt to _be_ with her. I winced. The _voice_ of him triggered something though. My head felt sluggish as a memory slowly surfaced.

_Bella, in a wonderful blue dress that clung to her body in just the right way, looked up into the eyes of a gangly, teenage boy with long black hair and russet-colored skin. His thoughts sounded loud in my head, clearly admiring, as they both – not so much danced, but moved on the dance floor. _

Jacob Black? And then it hit me, Bella had said "_Oh Jake…"_. How had I not recognized him? Even more disturbing, how was it possible that I had not recognized his _scent_? I inhaled a deep breath, trying to taste the air around me for any trace of him, and almost gagged. That disgusting smell of a sick, decaying dog covered in mud hit me again and this time I was not as one-dimensionally focused on Bella not to recognize it. It had been a long time ago since I'd smelled it, in this very forest in fact, but that stench was truly unmistakable.

Jacob Black was a _werewolf_.

Until that realization hit, I had - although with some effort on my part - remained in control of myself. I had still been Edward Cullen.

Now, the monster in me gained more and more of my conscious thoughts, a disease spreading like pool of blood, slowly engulfing everything in its path. I wanted to break through this window, pull him off of her and tear him into a thousand pieces, down to the very cells he was composed of. I wanted to exterminate him completely, and replace his body with my own between her thighs. I yearned to lose myself in her and erase every painful memory of this past year and a half from my mind.

All my suffering; the way I had to hurt her to keep her safe when leaving, every agony and fear I'd endured since the moment we met, were for nothing. She had moved on all right, but she wasn't safe, living a human life as I wanted her to.

She was _fucking_ a god-damned WEREWOLF!

If this was how it was going to end, I shouldn't even have bothered to take myself out of the picture. Painful regret burned its way through my silent heart. My mind, trying to protect itself from the agonizing fire, allowed the anger towards him surface and take over.

The monster, relishing in my growing fury, wanted to bite through her pale, almost see-through skin and taste the delicious treat he'd been denied for so long. I felt my resolve, my grasp on myself slowly slipping away from me when...

Out of nowhere - a pair of big brown eyes, wide open in surprise, stared right into mine.

The momentary shock of seeing her look at me was however not enough to quench the red-hot fire burning through me. With the very last of my control slipping through my grasp, I dropped to the ground and started running, wanting to get as far away from this house as possible before the monster overtook me completely.

I knew I couldn't bear to hurt Bella again by destroying that sorry excuse for a man, as she obviously loved him, even though I wanted to. But I could not – would not - endure the agony of losing her any longer. Over our time apart, the only thing growing in correlation with the endless pain of losing her, was my raging lust for blood. The feeling of a warm body in my arms and the steady flow of blood down my scorching throat were the only things able to take my mind off of Bella for just one blissful moment.

I realized now what I had to do. The plan was slowly coming together in my head once the crucial decision was made, genius in its simplicity. As I knew she would see this, I whispered softly into the crisp night breeze.

"Alice, tell them I'm sorry. I've made my choice; I have to forget her – forget myself." I felt my resolve strengthen. "Please, don't come after me."

And with my last thought going to Bella, the decease ran its course – erasing the last reminiscence of the human I had once been.

The forest was no longer a silent haven; it was now my hunting ground and tonight I had something more appetizing than a deer in mind. I was quickly approaching a small clearing in the woods ahead. When sufficiently close, I crept forward slowly, crouched on the forest floor. The flow of venom increased and I swallowed the pooled liquid in anticipation.

The delicious thudding of a human heart called me forward.

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**Yepp, that's right - Edward's going** **really, really** **bad. I hope you don't hate me for it, I had to make room for someone else, you know. =) **

**Please, PLEASE review! Was it too boring, rumbling around in little Eddies crazy head or did you like it? Btw, I'm looking for a BETA so if you're interested - let me know.**


	3. Deafening Silence

**Disclaimer: I obviously do not own Twilight or any of its characters, however, I do own this storyline…and Myra.  
**

**AN: I know I'm writing a Bella/Jasper story and probably shouldn't spend so much time on Jake, but I really wanted to write something with the wolves. I actually love that part of Breaking Dawn. But they won't really be a part of the story from now on so try not to get attached. =)**

**To ease things over with you all, I promise that Jasper will in fact show up in the next chapter.**

**

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**

Chapter 3 - Deafening Silence

**  
Jacob's POV:**

Just as my big, heavy paws hit the ground, I heard Bella's whispered pleading from the bedroom. _"Be careful."_

I would try my hardest to focus my thoughts on that, on the love I _knew_ she felt for me, and not on the despairing thought that it would never be enough. The image of her hopeful expression earlier, her big brown eyes entirely mesmerized by something outside the window, made me wince as it invaded my mind.

"_Aw, Jake, sorry bro. That's gotta suck."_ Oh crap. Seth's thoughts were utterly sincere, meant to console, but I still wished he'd kept his shabby ass out of my business.

"_And of my girlfriend's naked body!"_ Seth, embarrassed at being caught, ceased his dissection of another image of Bella he'd snagged from my head.

"_Self-absorbed much?"_ His sister pitched in with a mocking sneer. "_You think we want to see her naked, covered in sweat, moaning your name?_ -- _Stop thinking about it then, you perv!" _The irony of it all were that I was still running all alone here.

"_Nice to see you too, Leah."_

However impossible, she didn't respond, and the absence of her mental jabs made me notice how disturbingly silent my mind was. It felt almost deafening as I searched for the absent thoughts. _Sam wasn't here?_ How was that even possible? I'd heard him howl no more than a minute ago.

"_I don't know, and neither are Quil, Embry or Jared." _Seth answered flatly, though the kid seemed seriously freaked out. To be honest, I didn't exactly blame him. The growing trepidation made my troubling evening with Bella recede to the back of my consciousness. Dread sharpened my senses, and I finally registered the blistering sting in my nostrils. A sickly, too-sweet, burning scent clung to the forest floor, the trees and plants along the trail, just a few paces to my left.

_Vampire_.

I felt cold all over. One stride was out of rhythm before I adjusted my line to follow it closely.

"_Guys, do you smell that?"_ The sudden alarm made me significantly increase my pace.

"_Only through your nose, there's not trail over here"._ Leah was too focused to even bother adding a vicious edge to her tone. Vampire in the woods while Sam mysteriously out of reach made her fear the absolute worst.

The trail seemed to go in a straight line from Bella's house to where Sam had called to us. How had I not realized this right away? I must have run on the bastards trail all along, too occupied with Bella's crazy blast from the past to pay any attention. What a crappy werewolf I'd become, couldn't even smell a god-damned vamp…!

And then it hit me.

Bella. Our bed. Her face. The window. _Had she really seen…? Was it actually…? Maybe someone random, or had he...? _I braced myself._  
_

_Were the Cullen's back?_ I didn't especially want that thought to surface, the implications were to many. When I last met the filthy blood-sucker, I hadn't been a werewolf; so I couldn't tell if the stench I now voluntarily rubbed my nose in belonged to that bastard. It wasn't familiar to me.

"_I'm here, what's going on guys?"_ Jared had finally phased. _"I got a bit delayed at Kim's."_ A collective sigh of relief could be heard. I for one didn't lose focus.

"_You're not the only one who was _occupied_, you know!"_ I knew I took my growing fear out on him, but it's not like he didn't deserve it. At least a little.

"_Do you recognize the smell anyway, is it them?"_ I almost roared at Paul and Jared. They HAD been wolves before the Cullens left Forks.

"_I'm not sure, it's possible"_ Jared answered in an off-handed and irritated voice, clearly he thought I'd lost it. _"I never got a chance to run patrol before they left, only traces of their scent lingered. Sorry man."_ I didn't especially enjoy hearing the pity, painfully apparent in his voice.

"_Who cares!"_ Paul was getting seriously worked up. _"A leech is a leech. We'll kill it no matter what, who cares if it's _THE CULLENS!" He overly emphasized the last part with a mocking sneered. _"If they're on our land – I'll…"_

"_Technically, I'm on their land."_ I couldn't believe I was arguing with him. Had Bella's crazy love for them and persistence on how they were 'good' vampires – as is if there was such a thing – gotten to me somehow?

"_YOU IDIOTS!"_ Leah finally had enough. _"Remember Sam, Embry, Quil? Doesn't bother you at all that we can't hear them, huh?"_ I couldn't believe I'd gotten derailed - again. Bella, the Cullens - it all apparently made me slightly delirious. I realized how dispersed we all were without strong leadership, and suddenly appreciated how much Sam had to deal with on a daily basis. As his second in command, I guess it was now my job to keep us focused. Something else I clearly sucked at today.

"_You're right Leah."_ I didn't particularly like to admit that fact. _"Mind in the game, guys!"_

I could feel everyone tense for action and was not surprised that no one argued with me; at this point we were all seriously worried. Five minutes since I left Bella's house, and still nothing from any of them, not a whisper. The track I was following was pretty fresh, at most the vampire passed no more than fifteen minutes ago, and I was slowly gaining on it. As I approached the location where Sam had last been heard, the vampire's trace was diluted with others.

Sam, Embry and Quil's familiar scents were the first thing I noticed, but intertwined with it, almost covering it, was the unmistakable rusty tang of blood.

A lot of blood.

The fragrance of it embraced me as I broke through the trees into a small clearing in the woods. The hair stood up at the back of my neck and every defensive instinct I had was triggered by the view in front of me.

In the middle of the clearing lay a young girl, maybe around 16 years old. Her legs and arms were spread out from her in strange distorted angles, as if she spent the last few minutes trashing around uncontrollably before she suddenly froze mid-movement. Her green eyes were wide open, fear written all over their glazed stare. A small drop of blood, pooled from a wound over her left eye, threatened to fall from her eyelashes. The girl was unmistakably dead.

The only other mark on her body was a teeth-shaped bloody crescent visible on the left side of her neck. The rare parts of her skin actually discernible were pale and almost transparent, as if she'd been entirely deprived of color. Her long-sleeved shirt and jeans were covered in a thick layer of blood. Even her long hair was drenched in a dark red, making her true hair color almost undetectable. It created an eerie contrast to her chalky pale features.

Unfortunately, she was not the source of the massive amount of blood spread all around the clearing as if a sprinkler from hell had been at work. In fact, other than the blood on her face and in her hair, I couldn't smell any blood from her in the clearing. It was consumed, almost nothing spilled.

No, the blood wasn't hers – It was Embry's.

I recognized his fur at once. Parts of him were spread all around the small clearing. The leech had ripped him to pieces; an arm here, a leg there, parts of his torso and his tail lay next to the girl. I closed my eyes, nausea threatening at the back of my throat, when my gaze located his head; tilted on the side with dead eyes staring into nothingness, his tongue slightly out. I stumbled to the ground, the most unbearable grief I'd ever felt overtaking me; mirrored and intensified by the others who'd witnessed the same thing through my eyes.

The suspended silence broke as Leah suddenly burst into the clearing and went straight for Sam's still form, phasing back to human as she got there. I had been too consumed by the mayhem in front of me to notice much else, but there were three more bodies in the clearing.

Leah's naked form hovered over Sam. "Come on, wake up! You can't leave me, you can't! I won't let you – SAM!" Her pleading seemed to have some effect, and I felt a shudder of relief pass through me as his eyelids twitched and I could see a flicker of consciousness start to take over.

"_Ahh…where am? …oh no, Embry!... I was too late, couldn't save him…he got away."_ I winced as more and more of his coherent thoughts poured into me, showing me the culprit, clear and deadly. The hate flowing through me as I recognized him, felt as if my blood had caught on fire - it incinerated me. I would hunt that bastard down and destroy him myself! I rose from the ground, tensed to spring when Sam's commanding voice, the only thing able to, halted me.

"_NO Jacob, you'll be too reckless. See what happened here. Jared, Paul, pick up his trail – you're closer anyway. Seth, go fetch help. Jake, _stay_ here!"_ I was shocked and furious with his decision. My whole frame shook and a low growl caught in my throat. My defiance faded slightly when I noticed that Sam had passed out again. Leah frantically searched his body for bite marks, and sighed with relief as she couldn't find any. At least he wasn't poisoned.

"Jake, check on Quil." Leah sounded amazingly calm, which somehow unfroze me and sent me into practical mode. _Quil had to be ok_. He just had to be; I couldn't lose anyone else today. I leaped swiftly to his heaped form, still too furious to phase back to human. Instead, I puffed on him gently with my nose, again and again, desperately begging him to wake up. His chocolate-brown fur was stained with blood, but the only wound I could find was a blow to his head, already healed over. No bites. _Thank god. _I could hear his heartbeat but the pace was too slow, scaring me half to death. I whined towards Leah.

"Oh, what the hell Jake, why won't you phase back already?" Between the two of us, we managed to shake him into an awakened state and got him to understand that he had to phase. It looked like both he and Sam would make it – they just needed to sleep and heal.

Jared's thoughts invaded my mind, regretful and furious. "_Jake, we lost him. He got into the water."_

The bastard got away - he went unpunished for this. I leaned back, my neck arched, and howled into the still night; releasing some of the anger and sorrow I couldn't contain within me anymore. As the sound ebbed to nothingness I was left feeling empty; a hollow void inside of me instead of organs working together in unison.

"Oh my god…" Someone whimpered to my left.

Although I knew she'd been there all along, the sound almost made me jump. The girl sat huddled up, her arms cradling her knees as she rocked back and forth. She was rather tall with a lean, fit build, and long disarrayed chestnut-colored hair curled around her tensed face. Her vibrant green eyes flickered between us, clearly trying to fully grasp the situation. It appeared like I freaked her out the most. The way she stared at me reminded me of Bella that first time in the meadow. She'd looked at me as if she thought I was scarier than the leech about to kill her, just like this girl did right now. It was almost amusing, if I'd been able to entertain that emotion anymore.

I huffed at Leah, indicating with a tilt of my head that she should see to the girl. Leah pulled on the clothes she had attached in the string on her ankle and walked over and sat down beside her. The girl winced slightly as Leah put one hand on her arm.

"Hey, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm Leah, what's your name?" I've never heard her sound so gentle before. I didn't know she had it in her.

"Myra" The girl seemed to pull it together at the sound of her own voice. "My name is Myra."

"OK, Myra, can you tell us what happened?" Leah spoke slowly, as if she were addressing a child. The girl obviously noticed and did not appreciate the tone. She glared at Leah, stretching out her back slightly as she sat up against the tree, poise and strength radiating out from her. She looked kind of beautiful, even covered in blood.

"You were a wolf, just now – I didn't imagine that did I?" Her eyes flicked briefly to me before returning to Leah's. "What are you?"

"I'm a werewolf, and so are they." She nodded her head at the rest of us. "And we aren't dangerous to you, we protect humans."

"Oh, I know." Leah seemed stunned, and so was I. "I was here, wasn't I?" As if that cleared everything up.

"Can you please tell us everything, from the beginning?" Leah's voice was demanding. The gloves had apparently come off rather quickly._ This was the Leah I knew and loved._

"My little sister Sarah and I were camping here, just a little up the hill. We thought we'd explore the surroundings a bit before hitting the sack. Sarah ran ahead when she noticed this clearing, and when I caught up with her…" She looked visibly paler. "She wasn't alone."

Most of Myra's story had already been pretty clear to Leah and me; a man had gotten her sister and bit her and when Myra tried to stop him he had thrown her into a tree.

"…Without his lips leaving her throat, he said '_I told you - you have to wait your turn'_. It seemed like he was drinking her blood…like some kind of vampire…" She looked like she finally realized something.

"That's it, isn't it? That guy was a vampire? Vampires, werewolves…what kind of place is this?!"

"Yes, _yes _he was." Leah's patience was deteriorating by the second. "What happened with the _wolves_?" Myra glared at her, but continued.

"Before I could get up, a giant wolf came charging in to the clearing, going straight for the…vampire, and Sarah dropped to the ground. When the vampire noticed what attacked him, he looked furious, almost insane - I've never seen anything scarier in my life" She flicked her eyes at me again as if re-evaluating that notion.

"He screamed _'YOU! You don't deserve her, you're no better than me_' and begun tearing at the wolf. Blood was everywhere, and Sarah just screamed and screamed…" A tear escaped her eyes and she wiped it off quickly, clearly not wanting to show weakness.

"When he was - done...he took a deep breath and seemed to realize something. _'It's not him' _he muttered and that's when those guys" she indicated Sam and Quil "attacked him with a vengeance. I was afraid he would kill them too, but he just threw them like he did me, and vanished."

I finally understood. Everything that had happened this evening came together with perfect clarity. My heart iced over, still keeping a steady pace; only every beat felt like a sharp blade carving through the frosty surface.

Embry had been a stand-in for me -_ I_ was the reason he was dead.

Anguish, unbearably guilt and even resentment towards Bella burned through me, slowly consuming the raging anger. Without it pushing adrenaline through my veins, I was finally able to phase. The familiar shudder rippled along my spine, and my human heart broke as the sorrow became almost too much to bear in this form.

"It's over now. Everything will be ok." Leah reassured the girl and got up, her mind already wandering.

"Hmpf!" The girl actually scoffed, her eyes gazing down on her bloody hands.

Leah and I exchanged startled looks as Myra's mouth pulled up into a sarcastic smile.

"Oh really - It'll be ok? I've just lost my baby sister, found out that vampires and giant werewolves or something exists and you say everything will be ok?" She finally looked up from her hands and her big, angry eyes locked on mine. "Really?"

The world swirled around me, yet time seemed frozen. I felt as if I was pushed through a black hole, the pressure of its gravity reshaping me and her eyes the only thing holding me in this dimension. Everything had a new purpose, a new meaning - even the grief over Embry's death came into a different perspective_. She was everything._

_Myra_.

"And WHY is this idiot staring at me like I'm the _freaking Holy Grail_?"

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**Please review – good or bad! T****his chapter just seemed to run away from me, somehow I couldn't get it to go where I wanted. Maybe the fact that I wrote this with a raging flu going on could have something to do with it.  
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**I'm sorry I had to kill off Embry, it was a needed causality.  
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	4. Anger is a deadly sin

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**AN: ****The tempus might be all over the place in this one as I changed it back and forth a couple of times. I'll try and get it sorted out ASAP but for now I just wanted to get this chapter posted already.**

**I'm sorry this update took so long, but I've had a couple of crazy weeks at work and have not been able to write like I would've wanted. I have however almost half of chapter 5 ready, so I'll try and get that chapter up as soon as possible. It's told from Jasper's POV. =)**

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Chapter 4 - Anger is a Deadly Sin

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Bella's POV:**

"Will you just sit down, Bella - you're driving me crazy!"

The sound of Billy's frustrated voice made me halt in mid-step, staring at him. I'd paced back and forth in his small kitchen for half-an-hour now, almost carving my own path in the dusty wood floor. I'd driven to Billy's as soon as I heard the second anguished howl echo in the night, thinking it probably was the best place for information.

"Sorry, Billy, I…" I sat down at the kitchen sofa, but just couldn't stand being immobile, and got up before I barely touched the seat. "I guess I'll go outside then."

Seth had turned up, needing a car and someone strong to help carry Sam and Quil. He hadn't said much else, but refused to meet my gaze when I asked him what had happened. His assurance that Jake was safe and unharmed wasn't nearly enough to ease my growing apprehension. I was still pretty freaked out over the night I just had and overcome with worry for Jacob. His pain had always been my pain and somehow I knew he was desperately hurting right now.

What could be taking them so long? Not having too much to begin with, my deteriorating patience was almost entirely gone. Just when I was beginning to lose it completely and head into the woods and drag him out myself, a truck pulled up. In the back, unconscious and covered with thick blankets and smeared with blood, laid Sam and Quil together with a pretty young girl I'd never seen before. I gasped when I realized that the reason she didn't move at all were because she truly couldn't. The sight of her blood-drained body and the crescent wound on her neck made me nauseous.

I turned to Seth, preparing to assault him with a massive amount of questions, but before I'd even inhaled, he slowly and deliberately inclined his head towards the woods.

I followed his gaze. A second later, Jacob burst through the forest line, coming to a running stop when his eyes fixed on me. At first, he looked relieved but the emotion was soon replaced with a surge of others I barely had time to recognize; regret, anger and…guilt? I ran to him and threw my arms around his waist, holding him hard and tight against me. Feeling him safe and warm in my arms allowed it all to come crashing down. We just stood there for a moment; Jake's warm hand caressing my hair.

When I'd calmed down I looked up at Jake, a questioning look in my eyes. Before I managed to say anything, he let me go and suggested a walk on the beach.

The following couple of hours were pure agony.

After a little pushing from me, Jake launched into his story. He told it like he had witnessed it; the howl, the run, the silence, the girl… as he recounted how Embry had been massacred by a vampire, tears started streaming down my face and my heart formed into a congealed mass in my chest. Embry was just such a genuinely happy and good person, it seemed so unfair. I knew vampires were deadly, and I'd always feared something horrendous would happen if the pack ever faced one again. They'd handled Laurent all right, but that had involved the entire pack and probably a big pile of luck. Victoria always ran, never attacked, so it hadn't come to a fight with her._ Thank God._

I winced at the thought of Victoria. It still bothered me how she'd just given up like that and disappeared one day. Maybe she'd realized that killing me wouldn't be the perfect revenge on Edward she'd envisioned after all but…I still felt uneasy when thinking about her.

"Do you know who it was…the vampire who did this?" I asked. Jake was barely able to look at me, his eyes blazing fire and his hands clenched into hard fists, ready to strike.

"Well, you did see him, didn't you?" Jake's voice were dreary, tired, like he couldn't stand thinking of this for one more second. Seeing my confused stare he continued and told me the truth.

As soon as the shock settled, I'd understood it all perfectly. It _had_ been Edward's furious face at the window spying on us having sex. A familiar blush stained my cheeks at the thought, though part of me was relieved; I had been focused on Jake in that moment…my mind wasn't playing tricks on me. The relief was short-lived though and the monstrosity of it all filled me with a consuming guilt. It was perfectly clear to me that Edward had done these things because of what he'd seen in the window. At first, the anguish and remorse filled me up, ate away at my mind and crushed me to the ground.

Embry was dead. Jake could have been. _Because of me._

Jake held me in his arm until the tremors stopped, his warm familiar scent felt reassuring and safe, somehow holding me together. My feelings for Edward felt abused – dirty. It was like losing him a second time, only worse because this time it made me re-evaluate EVERYTHING; see myself and my past behavior in a whole new light. I felt stupid and naïve.

In that moment, through a fear-stained haze, I promised myself to cut out the decaying part of my mind, still clinging futilely to a long lost – and possibly imagined – love. With indisputable certainty I knew I would finally be able to love Jacob with all my heart now. Focusing on that silver lining made everything else more endurable. Once again loving Jake would save me, just like it had the first time Edward failed me and just like it had when Charlie died. Despite everything else going on, I needed to tell him.

"You remember last night when you said _– I thought you were finally mine?_" I looked up at his beautiful face only five inches away from mine.

"I think I truly am yours now." It wasn't a joyous statement, but I packed it with fervor and commitment. I waited in anticipation for some sign of the smile loved so much; only his face crumpled in despair and pain instead of expressing the hopefulness I'd imagined. "Jake, what's wrong?" My stomach twisted with trepidation.

"Oh Bella…" Silent sobs shook his entire frame as he gasped for breath. "You don't know how long I've waited for you to feel like that!" I held my breath – somehow knowing with absolute certainty that my world was about to be turned upside down yet again. Torment and sorrow seeped through his very pores and clouded the air between us.

"The only problem is…" He braced himself, "I don't think I'm yours anymore."

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My hands grasped the steering wheel at a perfect ten and two o'clock position. I was so mad; I probably shouldn't be driving at all, but the compulsion to get as far away from Forks as possible urged me forward. The last couple of weeks had probably been the worst, or – the second worst – of my life. At some indefinable point however; sorrow, despair and agony had been replaced by anger and frustration.

A joyless smile graced my lips at the irony of it all. Just when I'd finally understood that my lingering love for Edward merely were a work of fiction, that's when the one thing we've always feared happened. _Jake imprinting._

Myra. Part of me hated her, though I knew this wasn't her fault – if anyone_, I_ was to blame. If I'd never loved Edward, he wouldn't have returned and killed her sister and Jake wouldn't have imprinted on _Myra_. Don't you love it when you're to blame for destroying your own happiness?

When Jake first told me, I'd felt like the air had been knocked out of me, without the possibility to replenish the lost oxygen again. In his arms, I'd gasped desperately for air, tears pouring endlessly as my mind fought to cope.

_Not Jake too, I wanted him, I needed him!_ Two loves lost in one day, it was just too excruciating to bear. A hollow ache burned inside my chest and I clung myself to him, refusing to let go. Jacob's deep eyes were brimmed with tears, his sorrow almost mirroring mine. We'd spent that night in close embrace, holding each other in mourning of our doomed relationship. Jacob had moved out the following morning and as I watched him leave the driveway, the last fragile thread holding me together broke and the ragged pieces scattered on the floor.

Somehow I'd managed to gather and drag my disarrayed limbs upstairs and then spent the following week in bed. I'd thought a lot about the last few years, going over and reassessing many of the irrefutable certainties I used to believe were set in stone. At long last, I'd been able to think of my relationship with Edward in a more objectively detached way. Somehow I accepted that he really had loved me and didn't leave because I wasn't good enough for him. It was the only conceivable explanation for his actions; however that knowledge did _nothing_ to sooth the raw wounds of this betrayal.

Jacob came by every day to check up on me, and talk. On some level he was just as broken as I was; he'd lost a best friend and lover as well - only he had another purpose in life now, one that simultaneously made this more endurable and despairing for him. The rational part of him wanted to be with me and forget he'd ever met Myra, and that part was in agony – but the larger part of him just couldn't wait to see her again. Most of all, he was angry.

Perhaps his anger and frustration were the catalyst for my own growing rage - I don't know, but from one day to the next I went from not wanting to get out of bed to needing to get as far away from this place as possible. It was like an itch you couldn't scratch compelling me to act. The house, the town, held nothing for me now; I didn't want them or my memories any longer. I loved Jacob and wanted our friendship to be resurrected again someday, but I couldn't linger here, watching him try and win Myra over. A vicious part of me enjoyed the fact that she still refused to have anything to do with him, and I didn't like being that person. I wanted him happy – or at least, I _wanted to want_ him to be happy.

I asked Jake to sell the house my father left me, packed the car with the few sparse belongings I couldn't part with – mostly clothes, photos and a few gifts from Jacob and hit the road without a decided destination. Jake had begged me to stay, using all weapons he had available in his arsenal; guilt, family, love and even fear - _Edward was not the person I'd thought he was, maybe now that he'd chosen the dark path, he would wait in ambush for me once Jake couldn't protect me?_

None of it had worked though. I wasn't afraid of Edward - no, I wanted to kill him! He drank an innocent girl's blood and ripped Embry to shreds. _Edward!_

My knuckles turned white as my hands gripped the steering wheel so hard my joints protested at the strain. The fury made it feel like my brain would explode any second now. I still couldn't believe he'd done this! Maybe I was a bit of a hypocrite, being ok with him killing a bunch of humans once upon a time and still loving him, but I didn't think so. There was a vast difference between killing for food than out of revenge. Between killing because you didn't know any better and killing innocent with cold purpose and knowledge of right and wrong. BETWEEN KILLING SOMEONE BY ACCIDENT AND PURPOSELY DESTROYING SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE SOMEONE ELSE.

Edward had wanted to take Jake away from me. Well, he had succeeded.

I would get far away from everyone and everything so he couldn't find me. I would NOT let him hurt me or someone I cared about ever again. Because of him Embry was dead; Jacob devastated and my father had died thinking his daughter would never be whole again. I could never forgive him, or myself, for that.

Small patches of snow lined the empty road, providing some illumination to the otherwise eerily dark night. The aloneness of this place calmed me somehow and soothed the raging anger with its silence. Whenever I got where the hell I was going, I would start over and create a new life - one where life and death weren't at stake at every moment. Maybe I'd even apply to college?

Something white flashed in my rearview mirror, halting my train of thought. My pulse sped up and my eyes darted left and right scanning the murky forest. Nothing.

Somewhat embarrassed, I laughed a little at my reaction. _Come on Bella, don't freak yourself out. _That's when I saw it again, this time on my right; a patch of marble skin briefly illuminated against the black forest before it disappeared again.

A vampire was chasing me.

Thank god I had a new car and not my old Chevy truck. I floored the gas pedal, startled at how quickly the car sped up. I watched as the vampire increased its speed, obviously realizing I had noticed something, it stopped bothering with stealth. Fear surged through me as it got closer and closer; the rational part of me already knew there was no way I could outrun a vampire, even with a decent vehicle, but I had to try. I pushed the car to its limit and focused my full attention forward, at this velocity I'd probably die in a car crash before the vampire could even get to me. Though it wasn't funny, a dark humor came over me at the thought.

The laughter caught in my throat as suddenly, the vampire was nowhere to be seen. The night was still and foreboding, like the silence before a storm. I knew it hadn't given up, and I didn't like being taken by surprise. In growing anticipation, I searched for a point of attack, unconsciously slowing down. _Where was it?_

It was right in front of me. Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, it appear in the middle of the road thirty feet ahead, its red eyes shining with anticipation.

Reacting instinctively, I hit the brake and turned the steering wheel to hard. The car swirled around on the slick, icy road, in panic I tried to compensate for the rotating momentum but I'd already lost control. In slow-motion I watched as a large tree rushed towards me. At this speed, the tree trunk would probably crush me completely in one swift moment – a quick and pain free death, far better than many I'd contemplated before._ This is it_, I thought, closing my eyes. Quick and pain free.

It hurt like hell.

Everything happened so fast I could barely distinguish each motion. I felt a backward jerk, just before the front of the car was completely demolished by the tree. A branch pierced the windshield but missed me by a few inches. My head hit the airbag so hard I almost blacked out, glass shards sliced my arms and hands as I tried to catch myself.

Just as quickly, everything stilled, but the pounding in my head was so loud it felt like the car was shaking back and forth. It grew louder and louder, but through it I heard something I couldn't quite distinguish outside. Focusing on the sound, I heard a final thud and then the slow pacing of someone approaching the car.

I was barely coherent, but refused to just sit here like a fly caught in a spider's web. With sluggish, bloody hands I tried frantically to release the seat-belt.

I froze as a cold white hand closed over mine, popped the lock up and removed the belt. My eyes followed the movement and continued to wander up the arm of my attacker. I gasped in shock as my eyes locked on a pair of familiar dark golden eyes, full of repressed fury and…concern? I must be dead already.

"Bella, are you ok?"

Before I could answer him, before I could fully comprehend the situation; my mind closed down. Through the semi-conscious state just before passing out, I felt myself being carried away.

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I hope you liked it! **** I plan on **** further ****explaining the Charlie thing eventually.**  
**Please review if you have any opinion at all! =)**


	5. Consequences

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
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**AN: This was a really fun chapter to write, maybe because I finally got to hang out with Jasper. =) Hope you like it!**

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Chapter 5 - Consequences

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Jasper's POV:**

I threw myself out the window and started running.

Of course, being a vampire, the manner in which I left the house didn't exactly matter. I was unbreakable, and probably could have left through the front door just as quickly - if I could've tolerated the detour past the others.

By this point - I couldn't.

For the last couple of weeks since Alice's phone call, things had become steadily more and more unbearable in this family – if we could even call us that anymore. She'd called Carlisle, but it's not like the rest of us weren't able to hear everything she told him. That night was engraved firmly and non-erasable in mind, just like other ones like it.

The sound of Alice's voice had been like a cooling balm on my burning wounds, and for a moment I'd relished in that without caring too much about the meaning of her words.

"Hi, it's me." _Hi Alice, my love. _

"I'm sorry I haven't called before, but…" _I miss you. _

"…I have to tell you something." _Won't you come back?_

"He returned for her and…I don't know what he found, I couldn't see that part somehow, but he decided to…_forget himself_." No further explanation was necessary; we all understood the implication far too well.

"He said he was sorry, and to not come looking for him."

"Sorry, my ass!" Rosalie never was one to keep her feelings contained – I should know. Emmett seemed to support that sentiment, but just stroked her arm.

"How could he have done this?" Carlisle and Esme stared disbelievingly at each other, the disappointment and agony radiating from them pierced my heart. Something Alice had said bothered me though.

"What do you mean you couldn't see it?" I knew she could hear me perfectly, even though I was standing across the room from the phone. It was the first time we'd spoken to each other in more than a year.

"Jasper? I'm…" It sounded like she wanted to say something, but she just sighed deeply. "I don't know - I don't understand it. I saw him make the decision to return and check on her, but then it all went blank until I saw him make up his mind and then…I saw him attack a human girl." Her voice was dead with anger and disappointment. "But I couldn't see him actually kill her…it's all very confusing. I even tried to check on Bella, but it's like she doesn't exist. Well, I just thought you should know."

She'd called every couple of days after that, giving us an update. At first, the joy of hearing from her had shielded me against the onslaught of emotions radiating from everyone else. Things hadn't exactly been great around here lately, even before this last setback, but we'd been able to scrape by somehow. _Hope's the last thing that fades, right?_ But now; fury, dread, disappointment, guilt, resignation, sorrow, trepidation - I could go on and on - lay thick on every surface of the house, undiluted and ever increasing. It seemed Edward wasn't going to quit his new lifestyle any time soon.

I hated him for it.

I truly had to struggle in order to keep from feeding on humans. The guilt I felt every time I wanted to, the agony when I slipped and did in fact drink human blood… it carved away at the person I wanted to be, erasing me piece by piece. Edward didn't have to struggle like that and could easily abstain - but he'd just given in anyway. He had been able to keep from feeding on Bella, which meant he could have managed anything. That fucking, self-righteous idiot.

It's not like I didn't understand his heartache – I understood it far too well. And Alice and I had been together a hell of a lot longer than he and Bella had; we had been companions, confidants, lovers and best friends for decades before she was even born! Still, you didn't see me running of killing humans just because… she and I weren't together anymore. Sorrow stabbed me with its rusty knife, smiling viciously as it slid in deeper. Even now, I could barely think of it all and the worst part was that I had only myself to blame.

_September 13__th__._

That fucking nightmare had played over and over in my head to many times to count. Everything had been going so well lately for the family - no one had seen it coming. The feel of Edward and Bella's rosy happiness had created an amazingly different atmosphere around the house, especially in comparison to Edward's previously rather cold emotional state. Esme and Alice especially, but everybody else – to some extent even Rosalie - had been more elated and joyous in response to their love.

And I took it all in like a warming summer breeze.

It was as if I had found a new drug. Tasting it in the air, absorbing the radiation of it from them and everyone else – it was an amazing high. At Bella's birthday party, their blissful happiness had even outshone her discomfort and embarrassment at being the center of attention, making me edge closer to them just to suck it all in. It felt amazing. I'd reached out with my power, warmth and love oozing from them and filling me up, when suddenly, everything just went dark and dirty.

Instead of love, I'd felt hunger. Instead of happiness, I'd felt a raging blood-lust, worse than anything I had ever felt on my own. As Edward filled with his raging desire for her delicious blood, as he struggled to not let the monster take over and drain her, _I_ had found myself unable to resist.

Remembering the way her blood had called to him _– us_ – made me gasp for breath, venom pooling in my mouth. I didn't know why I even thought about this now – it made no difference whatsoever. I'd never told anyone the true catalyst behind my attack, not even Alice, just because it didn't matter. It had still been my fault.

I had attacked her – not him.

I'd exposed myself to everyone's feelings – good or bad - by reaching out like that. I'd been selfishly careless. I knew from experience that it wasn't a good idea to expose myself to other people's…cravings, especially in a room full of vampires, all thirsty for blood. I'd destroyed everything just because I couldn't control myself – even if it weren't exactly my _blood-lust_ I couldn't control.

The sun just set on the horizon and the air felt crisp and clear. It felt good to stretch out and run, and every stride that put me farther from the house felt liberating. To be alone with your emotions, to know only how _you_ actually felt about a situation, were something no one truly appreciated as much as they should. Even though I constantly shielded myself, the gist of someone's emotions were always painfully clear to me.

And being with the rest of my family right now was truly agonizing.

I took a deep breath and slowed my pace. The cold air calmed me and the peaceful and silent forest was every bit the haven I'd hoped it would be. I sat down, my back sliding against the stem of a large pine tree before I settled on the ground. This was as good a place as any to think and I had some serious planning to do.

I hadn't decided anything when I left the house this morning, but now, feeling like myself for the first time in weeks, I didn't think I could return. I cringed at the thought of putting more stress on them, but I'd already delayed this inevitable step for a long time. It was time.

When Alice left, I'd stayed with the family in large part because I hoped she would return. That wasn't the entire truth though, I'd also stayed because they were my family, and because it was the only place I'd ever felt like…a person, of sorts, since becoming a vampire.

And, I'd stayed because I loved them.

It hurt of course, feeling their initial disappointment at what I'd almost done to Bella, but it just added to the ocean of regret and self-reproach I was already putting myself through. Their understanding, forgiveness and love however, helped ease the pain and allowed me to begin to move on and start accepting what had happened.

Alice's resentment had hurt the most, obviously, and unlike the others, hers never faded. At the end, I could barely get a read on the chaotic range of emotions running through her, but I'd grasped the general scope; a mixture of resignation, grief and determination. After weeks of locking herself up in Edward's old room, her emotions going left and right - _exploding_ out of her - I wasn't surprised when she said we needed to talk. And then, I broke. We broke. She left. _Oh fuck._

_Stop thinking about this, you idiot!_

This self-torture had to stop right now! I wasn't Edward, I didn't wallow. I shook my head, trying to physically scatter my thoughts in the light wind passing by, but just ended up with a thick curtain of honey blond hair in my face. I felt so stupid, I actually laughed out loud. Surprised, I flipped the hair back again, clearing my line of sight. Huh, the shaking thing actually worked, who would have thought?

A loud buzzing sound in my right pocket called for my attention. I pulled out the small cell phone, flipped it open and just stared at the caller id.

_Alice._

I froze, trying to organize my scattered thoughts. Obviously, she'd seen when I decided not to return to the house, was that why she called? Had I made a huge mistake? Or did she call because she wanted to…?_ Damn it! _

"Alice? What's the ma…"

"Shut up, we don't have time, Jasper!" Alice familiar voice snapped at me.

"I had a vision of Bella being chased by a vampire. Trying to escape, she crash into a tree, and is killed instantly, but that doesn't stop the bastard from sucking her dry." She rushed through the words in her light bell chime voice; every word laced with dread and anguish. Through the years, I'd unintentionally calibrated my gift with my other senses, making me able to determine emotions from just tone and accentuation, among other things. I could be wrong, but somehow I got the feeling that Alice felt…guilty? Strange.

"How? When?" I managed to squeeze in.

"You're the only one close enough to save her. We only have a minute left to talk before it'll be to late. You have to go – NOW!" She shouted the last part at me, almost as if she feared I wouldn't do it…_or feared I would?_ No, that's just crazy. I've got to stop second guessing this, what's wrong with me?

"Just give me the directions." I really didn't have to think twice about it; I'd do anything Alice asked me to, and - I actually cared about Bella. It made me furious, someone even thinking about hurting her! Kind of ironic, since I'd almost killed her twice myself by this point.

"I'll save her, Alice, I promise you. I WILL be on time." I could feel my body tense for action, determination and excitement surging through me. It felt good to be able to do something for once, to be needed.

"I know, it's firming up." Alice sounded distant, as if she were talking to herself more than anything. I took it as goodbye, and almost didn't catch the last part.

"But Jasper, there's still a risk if you're not…"

"I've got this under control - bye Alice." I cut her off and hung up the phone before she'd finished, my mind already strategizing the rescue mission, going over every detail Alice had provided me with. Before the connection was lost, I thought I heard the word _blood, _but there was no use pondering the meaning of that now. I only had one focus – save Bella.

My pace increased with my growing elation. I finally had a chance to make it up to her; for destroying her happiness, for being a sick bastard and feeding off their emotions like that and…for trying to kill her. _Don't think about it. _Although I didn't want to admit it, I couldn't stop myself from hoping that maybe saving Bella would bring Alice back to me_.  
_

Yes, I would save Bella. _And maybe myself in the process._

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**  
In another part of the world****  
Alice's POV:**

_But Jasper, there's still a risk if you're not… _

"…careful. There will be lots of blood and Bella..." Jasper hung before I could finish. _Oh crap._

Yes, the vision was firming up; Jasper would get there on time but…that didn't mean he'd actually save her.

The worst part was; I wasn't sure I wanted him to.

I weighed the small phone in my hand, dread rumbling around in my lower abdomen. At last, I done the right thing and called him, something a less selfish person would have done a long time ago, but I still couldn't ease my guilty consciousness.

I had tried everything I could think of to keep this possibility from playing out; I'd even left the love of my life, causing both him and myself endless sorrow, to prevent this from happening. Nothing had worked; I'd seen no course of action able to shift the future, only vague possibilities - until tonight. _Yeah, lucky me._

I'd been faced with a choice; the future I wanted so badly – or Bella alive. It was one or the other. It should have been an easy choice, but somehow - it wasn't. I took a deep breath, guilt and trepidation swirling around in my head. _Maybe I'd chosen too late._ If Bella didn't make it tonight, it would be my fault. I loved Bella! How could I've actually considered sacrificing her for my own happiness? I deserved this torment.

Now, all I could do was wait. I settled down on the ground, my legs crossed in front of me. Empty tear-less sobs shook me as time seemed to drag on towards infinity. When I'd almost given up, the familiar tingle that was the first warning of a new vision sharpened my senses. _OK, here we go._

I braced myself and closed my eyes, allowing the approaching vision to take me over. A minute later, the last images evaporated; leaving me calm, but sort of hollow and ragged. I got up from the ground with a resigned sigh. _It is done, the future is set_. I now had to live with the consequences of my decisions.

Trying to escape, I started running back to the house, but one image in particular kept dancing before my eyes. I blinked, desperately fighting to banish it from my line of sight. As I finally cleared my head, I watched the last flicker of my own future with him disappear from the realm of possibilities.

I fixed my eyes on the empty forest ahead.

_Jasper, I'm so sorry._

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**I really hope you liked it! ****Did you think it was plausible, the reason for his attack?**

**Please, please review - it sure is ****(to quote Jasper) ****an amazing high . ;-)**


	6. Unwanted

**AN: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, they make it worthwhile to continue even when things gets rough. I sure needed them to finish this chapter. **

**Sorry you had to wait this long for an update, I truly hit a wall or something. I had a finished chapter three weeks ago, but it sucked so much I didn't want to torture you with it. So I started over, and I think this one is a lot less sucky! ****=) **

**It got a bit long, as I wanted to voice both Bella and Jasper and couldn't bear cutting either one of them out. Just think of it as 2 chapters in 1. ;-)**

**Hope you'll like it!**

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Chapter 6 - Unwanted

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Jasper:**

Time seemed frozen, almost warped, as I watched the car swirl across the asphalt.

Only pausing for a brief moment in horror, I sped up, running so fast it felt like flying. Barely in time, right before the car would've been obliterated by a large tree; I managed to get one hand on the rear bumper and slow the forward momentum, bringing the car to an abrupt stop. The front section wrapped around the tree trunk but that seemed to be the extent of the damage. I exhaled in momentarily relief, before I heard Bella cry out in pain as the windshield broke. Though the sound worried me, I was glad to be hearing her at all; if Bella had survived the crash, it meant that Alice original vision wouldn't come true.

Before another thought could cross my mind, I was attacked. I felt a sharp pain on the back of my shoulder followed by the too familiar sting of alien venom mixing with my own. The bastard had bitten me! I hadn't given the other vampire much thought until that moment, my sole focus had been on Bella, and with my extensive experience a lone vampire could hardly provide a challenge. Well, he had my attention now! Awakening the animal inside me fully, all thoughts of Bella's wellbeing vanished in an instant. Fury triggered by defensive instincts like this made me a more efficient - more dangerous fighter.

In a calculated motion, I grabbed his jaw to tug him lose and threw him over my head while simultaneously ducking and spinning around. He dropped to the ground a few leaps from me, his light crimson eyes furious. I crouched, prepared for the circling and weighed attacks that were customary for vampire fights, but he just came charging right at me without finesse, giving me easy access to restrain his arms behind his back. _What a stupid little newborn_. I estimated his age to around two years old, clearly untrained and now that his increased strength had begun to fade – a ridiculously easy target. His trashing stilled as my sharp teeth gently graze his neck from behind.

"Who are you and why are you chasing this human?" I spoke slowly into his ear, my voice dripping with menace.

"What do you mean? It's a human - I just want her blood." He stumbled over the words but I could feel no confusion in him, confusion that should have been present had he been surprised by my question. No; I only sensed fear and determination.

"You're lying," I said, my voice icy, and increased the tension on his arms, stretching them almost to the breaking point. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." I pulled a bit more, a pained growl his only reply. "Now, let's try again, why do you want _her_? Who are you working for?"

"I don't know what you're talking about" he answered in a rushed voice, the alarm he suddenly felt clearly showed I'd hit close to home with that last remark. He tried defiance next. "You have no right to restrain me, I haven't done anything wrong."

I smiled humorlessly at his naivety. "You truly are young. There's no argument that can save you here – just tell me what I want to know, and I'll let you go - or don't, and this ends right here."

"I'm not alone" He threatened me. "The rest will be here any minute." He put on a confidant façade but I could sense fear beneath his bravado. I was beginning to seriously lose patience with this guy and decided to get this over quickly if he didn't answer within the next minute. Suddenly, a low pained moan coming from the car rang in the silent night. My eyes looked up, my attention shifting to Bella for just one second. That was all he needed.

With my focus diverted, the newborn seized his chance and jiggled out of my hold. Reacting instinctively, I bit down, a large chunk of his shoulder coming lose. He cried out but managed to leap away from me. With one hateful glance back over his shoulder, he darted across the road and into the forest on the other side. I debated chasing after him, but if he in fact had back-up approaching, I'd be leaving Bella here up for grabs. I sighed in defeat, irritated and annoyed at myself for allowing him to escape.

Turning towards the car I could hear Bella stir around in there, her fear spiking. I stopped, suddenly frozen as a statue, when her movement caused the scent of her blood reach and stain the air around me. I stopped breathing at once, but the scent had already reverberated through my every cell. Before the word _'NO!'_ had fully formed in my head - within the thousand of second, I was onslaught by Edward's emotions yet again. I could feel how this blood was the most delicious thing in the universe; how it would be the most amazing thing I'd ever experienced to taste even one drop of it. The emotion fought to take over, and I was locked in tense internal struggle. _Don't think about it! - Oh..the taste of it, filling you up - Don't think about it. - The beating pulse pumping that warm delicious blood…_

_DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!_

Something Alice had said trickled through the cracks in my tense stand-off; _I know, it's firming up._ It sparked something inside me.

Alice had seen that I could handle this, she'd known I'd save Bella and resist the temptation to drain her myself, or she wouldn't have sent me here. _I'd never bet against Alice._ Fighting the urge to fulfill the promised satisfaction drinking her blood would give me, that thought provided the strength I needed to shift the balance towards resistance. Using all my willpower, drawing from emotions of love, family and the humanity I once had, I managed to step by step push the memory of Bella's birthday to the back of my mind. I waited a moment testing my control before I relaxed. For someone watching me, it wouldn't have seemed like more than a moment of hesitation before I continued approaching the car.

Bella was freaked out, but calmed some after recognition sparked in her large brown eyes as they met mine. I couldn't sense any relief, only shock, and her fear-level still spiked through the roof. Not entirely unexpected, considering her unlikely rescuer. I got her out slowly and the poor girl passed out almost instantly. Running as fast as possible without juggling Bella too much, it wasn't long before I found a car parked on the driveway by a small house. Fueled by necessity, I repressed my guilty conscience and I pulled the locked door open, placing Bella in the back-seat. I vowed to repay this favor later whenever I got the chance. Driving swiftly back to the wrecked car, I grabbed Bella's packing and a small first-aid-kit from the back. As soon as I found one to suit my purposes, I checked us into a small, slightly ragged motel. I got Bella gently settled on one of the small beds, suddenly unsure how to proceed. Not able to come up with anything else, I sat down besides her, taking in the full extent of her injuries.

Watching her broken body, her bloody arms and tangled hair spread out on the bed, I finally broke free from my deliberate practical state - fear and worry stirring inside me, and truly _saw_ Bella for the first time tonight. She looked haggard - older, as if life had been rough for her – far from the young girl in love I remembered. _Oh Bella, what has happened to you?_ The tenderness I suddenly felt surprised me, and more than anything else tonight made it easy to resist her blood.

Though already asleep, I sent a strong wave of calm into her system that took her into a deep, almost coma-like state. There was no need for her to feel the pain of this if I could help it. _Jasper, the pain killer. _I smiled a little at the irony.

Her arms and hands were sliced pretty bad, and glass shards were still embedded in her skin. She wore a long sleeved shirt that I realized had to be removed before I could treat her arms. Hoping that she'd forgive me for this intrusion of privacy, I gently ripped it, leaving Bella in only a white laced bra. Though I tried not to look, my vampire eyes would remember even the shortest of glances as if I'd photographed her. Even worn and broken like this, there was an ethereal beauty about her, something I hadn't noticed before. With a tang of guilt I realized this was the first time I'd actually looked at Bella and just seen her. Just Bella, instead of her _plus_ the delicious blood she carried or emotional high she provided.

Pushing that unsettling thought away, I diverted my attentions to her wounds and started patching them up. I took my time, cleaning them thoroughly, and though a few of the gashes begun bleeding again when I removed the dried blood and glass splinters, I had no difficulty resisting it as long as I refrained from breathing and didn't let my mind wander to much. It was uncomfortable, but I had other senses to guide me. When there was nothing more I could do for her, I pulled the cover over her and tucked her in. Before leaving her side, I brushed the hair away from her face, her eye-lids flickering as she felt my cold hand on her cheek.

I started thinking about last night's events. Why would a lone newborn specifically seek out Bella? It made no sense; he had to have been sent by someone, but whom? Alice kept a loose watch on Victoria but would have noticed if she planned something this big, so she was out of the running. I debated the issue back and forth for a while, without reaching any clarity. Letting out a resigned sigh, I left the room, flipping my phone open and pushing speed-dial 1 in one fluid motion.

"Alice? I got there in time, Bella's safe." I blurted out as soon as I heard the click on the other end signaling answer. I couldn't help but feel a little elated as I said the words.

"Yes…? You know I've already seen that" Alice's voice sounded cold and dismissive and a ripple shuddered down my spine in shock. "So why are you calling me? I told you not to." She continued in the same remotely detached voice. What was wrong with her? Yes, she'd told me when we broke up not to contact her – but then she'd called me…Did I actually repulse her this much?

I took a deep breath, controlling my emotions. I hadn't realized how much I'd begun hoping this incident would help bring us back together before that hope now shattered into a million pieces. _Fine_.

"Sorry to disturb you then," I iced back, mimicking her tone perfectly. "All seeing as you are, of course you already know why I'm calling; why was he attacking her? Who made that newborn?"

"I don't know-"

"That's impossible; a decision had to be made in order to send him here." I interrupted her impatiently.

"Clearly, it's not impossible, as I haven't seen anything except the attack," I heard a faint trace of something I couldn't quite get a hold of in her voice beneath the hard surface, that guilt again perhaps? Or the trace of a lie? "Maybe it derives from Bella's previous invisibility, or my visions are faulty somehow – I don't know!" Alice continued, her frustration caused her to temporarily drop the cold, calculated tone at the end. I knew how responsible she always felt when she got a vision to late or when there was nothing she could do alter the course of events.

"Oh, I'm sorry Alice, I didn't mean…" I said, slightly mollified.

"It doesn't matter," The dismissive tone was back in full force. "Like I said, don't call me - I'll call you if there's something you need to know. Or I'll call the others." She paused for a moment, deliberating.

"And Jasper… quit hoping." With that she hung up.

I couldn't stop staring for a long time at the display that had just said "call ended", even after it had turned black. It was the equivalent of a cold, determined slap in the face. To some extent I felt humiliated that she had to tell me this all over again, though with a slightly rougher edge to it this time. Embarrassed, I realized that I'd progressed absolutely nothing over the last year. I felt mad at myself and a furious and disappointed with Alice.

How could she take this all so lightly? Clearly our past meant nothing to her anymore, but I thought at least the threat against Bella would bring around her involvement. Thinking of Bella brought her to the forefront of my consciousness and made me focus. Hearing the steady pace of her breathing from inside the room relived me and the rage calmed, but I sensed something essential shift inside me.

_You got it Alice; I'll quit hoping, starting right now. _I guess I should have known I wasn't cut out for a happy ending.

Not ready to return to Bella, I decided to go hunting. There was no reason testing fate here by not taking necessary precautions, and I had chosen this motel especially for its location so close to the forest.

I didn't wander far, and after I'd satiated my thirst several times over with a dear and a couple of small game I begun migrating back towards the motel. It was early morning, and I suspected Bella would wake up soon. A dark amusement sparked inside me when pondering how that conversation would pan out.

_Hi Bella, sorry for almost killing you and destroying you relationship the last time we met_. Yeah, this would be an interesting day.

I took a different path back to the room and stopped cold when I crossed a familiar scent a couple of hundred yards from the motel. _The newborn. _And this time, he hadn't been alone. Cursing out loud I broke into a full run, thinking this was becoming a bad habit of mine.

From inside our room – I could hear Bella cry out in pain.

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**I probably should have cut it off right here, but…I couldn't leave you with another cliffy now, could I? ;-)  
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Bella:**

I woke up feeling like I'd just barely survived a heavy weight championship match against – I don't know, Mike Tyson? – Though both my ears seemed to be intact. Barely.

I could hear a faint dripping on the window seal and the light seeping through the edges of the window cover stung my sleepy eyes, despite the sun being shielded by clouds. The bulky pillow under my head felt hard as a rock, probably more so because my head hurt so much, and had a faint scent of…ehw, mildew. _This was not my pillow._

A strange feeling that there was something vital escaping my growing consciousness made me fight the reluctant eye-lids and open them more than the thin slits I'd allowed until now. I scanned the small room, trying to make some sense of my surroundings.

It was comprised of two single beds separated on either side of the room, the one I lay in were closest to the window and the other one looked unused. The dark maroon bedspread tucked tightly on the edges clashed hideously with the faded medallion-patterned yellow-green wallpaper. Facing the bed on a low cabinet sat a small and sadly outdated TV. My dad would have protested loudly if he'd been forced to watch a game on that thing. The painful twinge in my chest at the thought of Charlie quickly rounded off my assessment.

The room was just downright depressing.

And why was I here, all alone, in this depressing motel room? Utterly confused, I tried to wade through my sluggish memory. Images began resurfacing; the dark night, something white gleaming in the blackness…Like diving headfirst into cold water, it all came crashing down on me at once with the last lingering image showing a pair of beautiful golden eyes.

Jasper had rescued me. Jasper was _here?_

I shot up into a sitting position and groaned loudly as it proved much more painful than I'd imagined. I looked down at my arms, heavily bandaged, and realized that Jasper must have taken care of me last night. I felt immensely guilty thinking of how much he would have suffered doing that, and secretly wondered _how_ exactly he'd managed it.

Suddenly, the window shattered, and in a flash of movement I could barely detect, I was lifted of the bed and held tightly in a pair of cold, hard arms. I couldn't catch a breath as his quick swirling movement pressed the air out of my lungs. When he stopped still a few seconds later, seeming to relax slightly, I finally got a clear view of Jasper's tensed face. Of course it was Jasper, who else had I expected? I barely had time to relax nor ponder that thought further before his intense eyes bore down on mine and his tall frame towering over me raced my heart. The feel of his cold chest pressed against me felt familiar and safe, however, and it brought back a surge of unwanted, painful memories from a time long lost.

It also made me aware of my lack of clothing. Despite everything else, I couldn't help feeling embarrassed.

"Bella, are you all right?" He asked forcefully, and I couldn't stop myself from flinching. The sound just hurt my head too much. Jasper apparently interpreted it differently and the next thing I registered were me situated back on the bed and Jasper just as quickly seated on the other one, as far away from me as the room allowed. Across my lap lay a red hooded sweater.

He diverted his eyes as I pulled it on clumsily, but they locked on mine as soon as I'd stilled my movement, an apologetic look on his face. "I'm so sorry….of course you're afraid of me," he said, his eyes betraying some underlying emotion I couldn't quite get a hold of. "But I won't hurt you – I promise. Though, I understand if you don't believe me." A sad smile softened his expression.

"No Jasper, that's not it – of course I know you won't hurt me!" I blurted out. My groggy mind struggled to find words, I wanted so badly for him to understand this so I could go on thanking him for rescuing me. "I never blamed you for what happened on my birthday, didn't they tell you?" I suddenly realized something. "Wait a minute, can't you feel my emotions? You should know I'm not afraid of you." I looked at him expectantly, thrilled at discovering this obvious solution.

Jasper was taken aback, and then he let out an amused chuckle. "I'd forgotten how quickly you add things up, Bella. And, yes, you're right – I don't feel any fear from you, I guess I assumed to quickly." I felt relieved that we'd cleared that up and opened my mouth to thank him for saving me, patching me up and…well…eh, not killing me again–

"You're welcome" he interrupted with a knowing crooked smile. "And you don't ever have to thank me, Bella, I'd do it again today if I had to – in fact, I almost expected it would come to that." He sighed, all trace of humor gone. "I think we're safe for the moment, but we really should get going as soon as possible".

Ignoring the last part, I glared at him. "You know, that could get really annoying if you keep it up!"

His eyes sparked with amusement but he kept the rest of his face blank. "I'm sorry Bella, I'll try not to do that again - though you're the one who pointed out I wasn't paying attention." He smiled, taking the edge of his overly formal tone. I felt relaxed by this easy banter - or maybe he was just using his power, regardless I was grateful and returned his smile tentatively. An awkward silence filled the room as we both struggled with how to proceed; too many questions filled the short space between us. I supposed a more rational person than I would've assaulted Jasper now, demanding a full enclosure of last night's events, but I wanted to keep this moment unstained for as long as possible.

_There was a Cullen sitting ten feet away from me_!

I'd never expected to ever see - let alone be in the same room with one of them again, and wanted to relish in this fleeting reunion-reminder-whatever as long as possible. I just knew that as soon as we'd start talking about everything else, this peaceful bubble would explode_. _Instead, I just watched him; my eyes taking in the beautiful features I'd almost believed were a fiction of my imagination - light honey eyes, pale skin. As I inhaled, my nose filled with his lovely scent, and it all felt so real again, like color had been added to black-and-white pictures. _God, I'd missed them so much._ The feeling became almost too much to handle making my heart feel expanded and squeezed tight at the same time.

Jasper raised one eyebrow questioningly, obviously sensing my emotional change but leaving it up to me to decide if I wanted to talk about it. When I said nothing, he broached a new topic.

"How's your head? I patched the rest of you up the best I could, but though I have a medical degree I've never actually practiced it on a human before." He looked just a little bit embarrassed. "I think you'll be fine, but regardless we probably should get you to the hospital to make sure. Get a head-scan."

_Ugh…hospital_. "Thanks again Jasper, for everything - it must have been painful for you, I'm sorry for that. But I think you did a pretty good job!" I searched my head for something to say to ease his concern. "And, my head doesn't hurt that bad, really…there's no need- I just collided with the air bag, no big deal - it doesn't even qualify on my top-five-list." I smiled a little to show just how unnecessary a trip to the hospital would be.

Jasper's wry smile told me he knew I was lying about the pain-level. Trying to distract him with something else, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"How did you know?" Too late I realized that this topic would most likely dissolve the bubble far too quickly. _Oh well._

He understood at once. "Alice."

"Alice" I agreed – "of course." It made perfect sense. Or…did it?

"Why you? I mean, why didn't she come herself and why are you here alone? Where are the others? Why-"

More questions bubbled up inside me; why hadn't she reacted earlier? This wasn't the first time shit had happened since they'd left me. Where had she been when Laurent attacked me, when Victoria returned? _Why hadn't she stopped Edward!?_ The ever present anger grew with each question until it seared inside me like an ugly monster.

"Bella, why are you so angry?" Jasper's puzzled voice only opened the floodgates even further. Somehow I hadn't realized until now how much I'd resented the rest of them for leaving me behind like a used toy just because Edward asked them to. For not even caring enough to say goodbye before they left! I guessed I'd missed them too much to event look at it from another angle, but now that bent-up rage had access to a Cullen and wanted to take full advantage of the opportunity.

"Why did she react now when she wouldn't bother earlier?" I shouted at him, wincing at the pain my own voice now caused my head. "Why didn't she stop _HIM_!? If she had, last night wouldn't even have happened."

Anger became intermixed with sorrow and hurt and betrayal at the thought of the last couple of weeks. A thick lump formed in my throat, making the next words come out coarse and ragged. I stared at Jasper, daring him to provide a satisfying explanation.

"Why didn't she care…?"

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**There you go, at long last! Was it still somewhat sucky or…? =) I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one (or two, hehe), so please REVIEW!**

**Happy Easter!  
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	7. No sugar coating

**Disclaimer: As always I own absolutely nothing...sadly enough.  
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**AN: I rushed this out feeling just a wee bit quilty you had to wait so long for the last one, ****hehe, s****o please excuse any errors resulting from the scant proofreading. **

**Hope you'll enjoy it! =)  
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Chapter 7 - No sugar coating

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Bella:**

_Why didn't she care…?_

The words seemed to expand and fill the small room as I stared him down. When I wouldn't proceed further, Jasper carefully walked the few steps separating us and slowly, with deliberate movement placed one arm on my shoulder.

"She cares – of course she does." He said softly, concern evident on his features. "We all care about you."

The words did nothing to soothe the burning emotions inside me; I could feel them soar eagerly in wait of another explosion and my head throbbed painfully with every heartbeat as I recoiled from their meaning. I couldn't believe him.

Though, as his hand stayed firmly on me, the coldness of his touch trickled down through the thick fabric of my sweater and chilled me in an almost comfortable way. The confusion and something else I couldn't quite grasp pushed the anger back with every second passing as we kept our frozen stance. When he'd approached me, I'd expected some manipulation of my emotions to kick in and calm me, but any interference from him remained absent. _Why?_ Perhaps he sensed I needed to sort my feelings out alone in order to move past them?

My disbelieving stare prodded him onward.

"Alice visions are often…complicated." He continued, "when it comes to _him_, she saw merely glimpses and only when it was already too late. He made some very quick decisions." Jasper's jaw tensed and undercurrent fury radiated from him that resonated seamlessly with my own. His anger felt comforting somehow.

"Alice is not perfect" he said tightly. "…but I know she always chooses to act toward the best possible future she can envision, when given enough time to do so. I think you know that too."

His gaze locked on mine, calm understanding showing in his eyes, and something else flickered breifly by…almost like trust or faith – trust in me to accept the situation as it were and handle it. I wanted to be able to exercise control and act maturely, as he believed I could - something that would've been much easier _before_, but now felt nearly impossible. I didn't know how to reign in and leash the fury that had been my constant companion for the last couple of weeks and thinking about it only made things worse.

Trapped in his deep stare while the seconds ticked by one by one, I felt shame and guilt for my earlier shouting stir and rise to the surface. It wasn't right, I realized albeit a bit late, to take all this out on Jasper. We hadn't been that close before to begin with and – well, Jasper was the one who'd returned and saved my life last night after all. He deserved better than this and I managed to used that feeling as a distraction from the fury. Jasper nodded infinitesimally as if to prod me forward, obviously sensing every turn of my emotional roller-coaster. It made me feel strangely transparent, and I didn't enjoy it.

When my control grew and anger faded dimly to the background, he backed away from me, increasing the distance between us once more.

"I'm sorry" I said, my voice tense. I knew he understood.

He nodded, a soft smile on his lips. "Don't worry, Bella…clearly there are lots of things we need to discuss - for one I didn't understand what you meant with _'bothered earlier'_, but I'd prefer if we didn't linger here longer than absolutely necessary." Watching – or perhaps sensing – my confusion he continued hastily in a more serious tone.

"Before I broke in through the window earlier, I caught the scent of the vampire chasing you last night; he's still on your trail and had been watching the room during the night. I don't know what he wants, why he's after you, but I got the feeling last night that he's working for someone else. It's clear he hasn't finished whatever mission he was tasked." He took a brief pause. "And... he wasn't alone."

A shot of pure fear skittered up my spine as I remembered the vampire's cold red eyes intent on my destruction. Jasper said nothing in response to my emotion, suddenly lost in thought - his eyes lingered unfocused on the sharp glass shards surrounding the window frame, a troubled frown on his forehead. I got the odd impression that he took not knowing the enemy's agenda as a personal failure, which seemed utterly incomprehensible to me and I figured I must have misunderstood his expression. I watched him curiously for a minute, thinking of how little I actually knew of him when suddenly his low voice startled me out of my revenue.

"I don't know your plans, but for now I suggest we stay together and leave this place without further delay - throw them of the trail if we can mange it…" He met my eyes again. "If that's all right with you?"

The question surprised me. Edward, nor Jake come to think of it, would never have asked for permission to protect me. Now trusted with the decision, I felt conflicted. On the one hand, I didn't want to put Jasper in danger by whomever it was who wanted to kill me _this _time. It had nothing to do with him and if he got hurt protecting me… I shuddered. On the other hand, I felt reluctant to let him go – I hadn't had enough of this glimpse back into my lost life - there was still so many things I wanted to know, wanted to ask him. Though thoroughly undecided, I settled on a compromise.

"I don't know my plans either to be honest but – for _now_…" I emphasized, very deliberately, earning an amusedly raised eyebrow from him. "...I guess we can keep company".

Within ten minutes, we were settled in a black SUV, all checked out, packed and ready to go. I'd even gotten time to wash up and brush my teeth and felt grateful for Jasper thinking of getting my stuff from the other car last night. Having access to clean clothes and my bathroom bag made me feel a lot less like a fugitive.

"Where'd you get the car?" I asked with trepidation once he steered us out onto the high-way, wanting to distract myself from the surrounding trees and houses blurring past us in high speed. "Grand theft auto?"

His lips twitched slightly. "I bought it off the motel owner".

"Oh."

"The one last night however, I did..._borrow_, but I got the motel owner to return it with a generous fee, so I don't think they'll mind" he continued, looking at me expectantly, an amused smirk playing over his lips. _Did he just...tease me?_ I gaped at him in surprise, before I gathered myself and closed my mouth in embarrassment and scowled at him.

"Will you answer my questions now?" I asked, perhaps with a little more heat than necessary. I did not know how to act around him, being the weird sensation of a long lost friend and a complete stranger combined that he was.

He looked me thoughtfully for a long moment, all amusement gone from his eyes, before answering - picking off right where I derailed earlier.

"I was the only one close enough, so Alice called me and told me you would die if I didn't get to you in time to prevent the car from crashing…I had only a minute or so to get going, and feared I would be too late." He smiled wryly as he felt the wave of gratitude I sent him. "Thank you Bella, but that's really not necessary."

"Why wasn't Alice with you? Were you hunting that far off?" His light golden eyes darkened at my questions.

"She…" He hesitated, his knuckles turning impossibly whiter as he clasped the steering wheel tight. "Alice left the family more than a year ago, Bella. The random phone call is all we get from her… before three weeks ago, we hadn't heard from her since she left." The pain was still evident in his voice though he tried to conceal it.

"She left you?" I whispered, disbelievingly.

"Yes."

I could tell by his tone that he'd understood that I meant him specifically.

"How could she?" I murmured, more rhetorically than anything else.

I had hard time grasping the concept, for what I knew of vampires - they mated for life. Though, I thought the next second, Edward hadn't…and apparently neither had Alice. But they'd been so happy...so connected and perfect for each other...

"Wait…Was it because of me? The birthday party?" My stomach squirmed as the obvious explanation suddenly dawned on me.

"Only in parts I think, and not because of _you_ - don't think that Bella! My behaviour on the other hand…well, it probably spurred her decision making, but that was –unfortunately – not my first slip since we met..." He glanced at me briefly, taking in my reaction with slight apprehension before continuing.

"And knowing Alice, I believe her visions played a large part. They always do. Though, whatever the cause…it doesn't matter now." He sighed, probably contemplating the mysterious ways of small pixie-sized, psychic vampires.

I disagreed with him on that. The cause mattered greatly in my book, but the hurt in his eyes silenced my questions. It surprised me though that he'd stayed with the family even after she'd left, I'd always gotten the impression that he was there because of her. Suddenly afraid of what else might have changed made me disrupt his contemplative silence.

"What else is there, Jasper?" I murmured desperately, earning a confused look from him. "Please…tell me everything." when he said nothing I prodded further. "Maybe starting with you guys leaving Forks?" He hesitated and met my eyes appraisingly for a second before he gave in.

Twenty minutes, and I don't even want to think of how many miles later I thought wryly that I should have befriended Jasper as soon as I'd started falling for Edward if I'd wanted to spare myself a lot of confusion and heartache. He was relentlessly honest - no sugar coating, no evasiveness. On the downside, I was now back to battling the raging beast that soared inside me, fully unleashed. _Surprise_.

Subtly skipping past the disturbing action itself, I'd gotten the whole story of how Edward had forced them all to leave me, without even saying goodbye - even threatening them physically or by the use of his power if they wouldn't comply. He confirmed what I'd recently deduced about Edward pigheadedly leaving me to _save me_ whilst still in love with me, lying and manipulating everybody to further that insane course. And then leaving them behind, hurting them with his darkness the few times he visited. Jasper hadn't been able to be around him at all during those rare occasions. And of course, Alice leaving and the large hole they both left behind.

It broke my heart thinking of all that pain. I guess I'd foolishly imagined them all going on just like before, just in another city - like never changing characters from a book. All of their lives had changed irrevocably, because of me. Jasper had been frustrated when he felt my guilt, insisting that it was because of him, and because of Edward, but I wasn't convinced. Rosalie probably hated me more than ever now, I thought sardonically.

When he got to the events of the last month and his subsequent departure I felt confused. _Alice hadn't seen me?_ How was that even possible? The cause and full extent of Edward's actions had thus been hidden from her for some reason and that knowledge softened my anger towards her momentarily. When he finished with the call he made this morning though, any trace of that concession had completely evaporated.

I kept my eyes straight forward at the winding road, lost in thought as I watched the pale sun glow fleetingly between the thick cloudbanks. I wanted to ask more questions, though I know it was futile at this point. Jasper had no further answer as to why, so I quenched them for now and put away for later consideration.

I wondered how to tell him my story; he deserved to be repaid with the same honesty as he'd shown me and learn exactly what Edward had done, but I didn't know how to begin or how he would react. I noticed Jasper watching me now and then from the corner of my eye but he just waited me out. Time passed slowly as the day matured into early afternoon.

The sudden buzzing sound coming from my bag made me jump and my heart rate momentarily double its pace when it shattered the eerie silence. The next second I recognized the familiar tune of my selected ring-tone and calmed down, one hand covering my racing heart and a faint blush on my cheeks.

"Maybe you should answer it, it was ringing all night" Jasper suggested when I didn't proceed. Deciding that it would be even more disconcerting explaining my odd behavior to Jasper than having this conversation, I grabbed the phone and answered without even checking the caller ID.

"Hi Jake."

"BELLA!?" The roaring voice seemed to fill the whole car and I felt myself shrink back against the seat.

"What the hell is going on? I've called you like a million times."

"I've been sleeping-" Knowing Jake, I though less would be more. "What's so urgent?"

"You're on the god damned news! Apparently, someone found your car wrecked, no driver and a lot of blood. It has the police suspecting foul play and they've put out a missing person alert on you. They're broadcasting it all over. Why didn't you call me? I've been worried sick!"

"Oh crap, now the police are after me too?" I unguardedly let out. Sensing his confusion and realizing it would soon be followed by growing impatience, I sighed and told him everything; including the presence of my current company - all the while downplaying the danger as much as possible. From the corner of my eye I noticed Jasper lifting one eyebrow questioningly.

"Oh that's just GREAT-" Jacob was overdoing it just a bit with the sarcasm after taking everything in, momentarily stunned to silence. "First your ex-vampire-boyfriend ruins all our lives, and now you're getting cozy with his brother?"

"He saved me, didn't you listen? Besides, Jasper's not like that -" I begun but Jake cut me off.

"Isn't that what you said about Edward? And look what he was capable of." He seemed to consider something for a second. "Wait a minute…Jasper?…isn't that the one who TRIED TO KILL YOU?!" Glancing over to him briefly, I saw Jasper flinch infinitesimally beside me.

"Jacob, calm down, you don't have to worry about him – trust me!"

"I don't understand you Bella" his voice now hollow and dejected. "trusting them – even after all this." He sighed deeply before continued in a harsh tone I unfortunately knew all too well. "I really hope you survive." And with that, he hung up the phone.

The car suddenly felt too quiet.

"OK…that went well…" I said, a little embarrassed.

Jasper just looked at me, a contemplative frown on his forehead. "Bella…who was that and why did he know so much about us?" He said, his tone sounding close to a father's rebuke to a petulant child, which annoyed me to no end. He had no right to censure me.

"And _what_ did Edward do exactly?" He added, unable to keep his curiosity from showing.

I don't know exactly why – probably as some form of defensive mechanism, or perhaps the lingering anger from before broke free from its restraints without warning – but something ugly just came over me, making me want to lash out.

I smiled viciously, unable to stop myself. "Oh, I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yet." I spat, though a small voice of reason inside me pointed out that I was being completely unfair. I shrugged it of easily.

Jasper looked taken aback at my change in tone and demeanor, the perplexed frown on his beautiful features only egging me on.

"That was just my ex-boyfriend and _werewolf_ Jacob Black, whom I was _fucking _when Edward spied on us through the window a couple of weeks ago." My voice was drenched in causal bravado.

"That was, of course, before he went crazy and killed that girl and oh, here's the best part; tore one of my best friends – another werewolf – in pieces in the belief he was obliterating my boyfriend. But his failure didn't last long, don't worry, because when Jacob laid eyes on the dead girl's sister, he imprinted! Yep! Leaving me all alone, just like Edward clearly had planned all along."

The tension in the car was palpable, the only sound my panting breath and the low murmur of the engine.

Now that the words had poured out of me, they seemed to have taken whatever madness that'd overcome me with them, leaving me void and ragged in its wake. The voice of reason gained footing and screamed at me loudly, pointing out with indisputable logic that this most likely were the worst possible way to explain things to him. Yeah, definitely no sugar coating.

Jasper just stared at me as the words died out, his mouth frozen on some word I'd probably never get to hear.

Then, without warning, he rapidly turned the car to the side of the road and hit the brakes, making me test the safety of my seat-belt a bit too thoroughly for my liking, especially since I was still bruised and sore from the similar experience last night. Before I had time to react to the pain, he was leaning over me – dark, hard eyes boring down on mine and I watched my shocked expression reflected back to me from within their deep core.

For the first time today, I was actually afraid of him. My pulse raised painfully and I had a hard time breathing as his relentless stare kept me captive for a suspended moment. In a low menacing voice that raised goosebumps on my skin, he growled at me.

"He did _what_?"

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**As always****, your comments are most welcome! =)**

_A few unrequested explanations for the interested:_

_You may have noticed the similar cutoff compared to chapter 6 – not a coincidence. The way I see it they are tiptoeing around each other, holding everything contained until they for some reason can't keep it any longer. And Bella's overemotional self is bound to shake Jasper up when interacting this closely._

_I hope you accept my angry Bella, though I promise I won't keep her this bipolar forever. She's been through a lot and I figured that when reaching her limit she'd either go apathetic as in New Moon or be searing with rage. And well, she'd already tried the first one… ;)_


	8. Singularity

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Jasper…how typical.**

**AN: I'm overjoyed after all the great reviews I got after the last chapter – thanks! It sure puts a huge grin on my face every time.**

**I wanted to repay you with a super-quick update, but with spending one work-related week in France and the one before that to prepare for it, this was as fast as I could possibly manage.**

**I'm letting out the science geek in me just a little, sorry for that, but I hope you're eager to find out what got Jasper's knickers in a twist. Enjoy! ;)  


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Chapter 8 – Singularity

Dictionary entry; _singularity_:

_1. the state of being singular, distinct, peculiar, uncommon or __unusual_

_2: a point where __all parallel lines meet_

_3: a point where a variable reaches an __immeasurable or infinite value_

4: (physics) a point or region of infinite mass density at which _space and time are infinitely distorted_ by gravitational forces and which is held to be the final state of matter falling into a _black hole_,

i.e the center or source of the black hole.

**Jasper:**

"_He did what?"_

I watched Bella shrink back against her seat to increase the distance between us, genuine fear clinging to her as she bravely met my relentless stare. She feared, yet trusted me – a mixture of emotions I'd never actually experienced from anyone else besides her, neither human nor vampire. I wanted to deserve that trust, damn it - _I knew_ I deserved it, especially this time as I knew I wouldn't hurt her. Of course, there was still the slight risk I'd accidentally want to drain her if her blood spilled while I was unprepared, but that chance was minuscule if not entirely absent at the moment.

I was just so relentlessly furious that for a suspended moment I could do nothing but stare into those deep brown eyes and try to discern from them whether or not the bottomless _agony_ I'd just felt dripping from her harsh words really could be traced back to just one unbelievably selfish vampire and sorry excuse for a man.

The image from last night of her broken body lying bloody on the bed invaded my mind and I could now connect every line, every shadow on her still, haunted features back to those blunt words; _werewolf…Edward spied on us…obliterating my boyfriend…Leaving me all alone…Just like Edward planned_.

Oh yes he had planned.

I knew all of his impulsive, stupid plans when he left her behind. We argued over and over with him, explaining the foolishness of his decision, that they were meant for each other and that he would hurt her immensely by leaving. I had been one of the strongest voices, insisting even though he angrily tried to use me as his excuse. I knew how he felt about her, how she loved him, and tried to convince him that it would take Bella a long, _long_ time if it even was achievable for her to move on from this. But he'd assured us it was what he wanted; for her to move on – for her to live and be _happy with someone else_. So we finally, begrudgingly, accepted his decision.

And now it seemed as if his plan had worked after all, despite my misgivings, as he had found her in bed with a boyfriend when he returned to check on her. But Edward's response to his success had been to destroy him, the man who'd made her happy? To destroy the happiness he'd sacrificed so much for her to obtain? I knew Edward, knew how volatile he could be and sure; he was a selfish, possessive bastard but this was extreme – even for him. Although I had to admit that the nature of these emotions was within his range, his actions in response to them were not. Such vengeance for someone he himself had made room for by stepping down was uncalled for - from a Cullen, someone raised to abide by Carlisle's morals it was simply baffling.

The Edward I thought I knew, would never have hurt someone he cared about, loved, this way. It was bad enough that he'd killed that innocent girl and the ones after that, but to knowingly destroy someone he knew Bella cared about, only to see him destroyed…? It was just too cruel. Sadistic even.

He _knew_ her. He knew she would blame herself for his death when she found out, knew it would break her.

Knew and didn't care.

"Please -" I forced out through clenched teeth as soon as I gathered my senses. "Could you perhaps elaborate on that?"

My words came out harsh, but successfully broke the tension between us and I tore my eyes away from hers and backed away, relieved as my extra sense showed me that she was now neither scared nor angry. I felt my own anger dissipate with each second and a rare need for knowledge taking its place while I waited for her response. I wasn't usually a curious person, in part due to the fact that I found out much more information than bargained for in most situations, but now I felt the rare emotion seer eagerly within, begging me to ask her again. I truly ___wanted_ to understand this, wanted to figure out the logic behind Edward's actions in the hope that my own now hastily drafted conclusions were wrong.

I didn't want to accept that I'd been so wrong about him. That we'd all been.

Bella appraised me for a moment, biting her lower lip in worry before completely ignoring my request.

"I'm so sorry Jasper, I don't know what came over me and I'm sorry I lashed out like that! I wish I could have explained this to you differently."

The guilt was first and foremost in her, as I recognized was rather common when concerning Bella. If this companionship lasted further I had to do something about that. _Lasted further?_ What was I thinking? And then I realized warily that I had no idea what the time frame on this collaboration was and that I might not have been that far off with that stray thought. Oh hell.

"That's not it" I breathed, suddenly feeling exhausted even though it was impossible. "To be a typical male here, I'd say it's _what_ you said – not _how_ you said it that disturbed me." I managed a joyless smile.

That was not entirely true though, depending on how you looked at it. It wasn't how she'd said it, but the way she'd_ felt_ when saying it… Thinking of it almost made me shudder. Bella had always been a very strong emotional broadcaster, but her deep-lying rage and despair when shouting those blunt words had nearly overwhelmed me - almost as if her emotions had been strong enough to push my own out of the way and take residence within me. When she retracted, the sudden rush of my own senses returning to full power felt like a jolt of electricity passing through me and my response was greatly amplified. I'd never experienced anything like it – another thing that sparked the unfamiliar curiosity inside me.

My sudden change in temperament didn't seem to confuse Bella however, and I supposed she of all people would accept it as normal behavior.

"And I'm not mad at you, shout all you want, you sure have cause to – I'm just furious with that selfish, fucking asshole –"

"So am I" she responded with fervor.

"I'm glad. No wonder you've been riding the rage wave all day."

She winced a little at my reference and I could hardly blame her; it always took people some time to get used to interacting with me more closely. Bella and I had never spent this much time together before and then no more than a few minutes alone - the transparency she now identified in my presence must seem unsettling.

"So…can you – elaborate?" I tried again with a weak smile.

"Of course, and I'll tell you the right way this time… should I start with you guys leaving Forks?" She raised one eyebrow at her repetitive words and I chuckled in response to her anticipated switch in temperament. We sure were quite the pair going back and forth like this.

"Sure, why not? Have you gotten the worst out with that rant of yours or should we exit the car right away just to be safe?" I teased her.

"Well-" she mused, a hard wicked glint in her eyes.

"That depends on whether or not you know that both Laurent and Victoria returned to kill me last year?"

I paused for only a second as her words sunk in before replying, my body already in a fluid motion.

"Get. Out."

* * *

I was only half serious with that remark, surprised - hell yes, but furious – definitely not. She stood alive before me so neither vampire had obviously succeeded. Regardless, I thought it prudent to have Mother Nature as an escape or buffer if her emotions took over me again like earlier – _though I wowed to never be caught off guard like that again _– or my own responses to her words were too strong, clearly I had no way of guessing the outline of this story.

Behind me I heard the distinct sound of a car door slamming shut followed by a soft crunching of hesitant steps on the gravel. She stopped a few feet away from me and as I turned around and faced her I noticed with a slight frown that the trepidation and guilt emanating from her was mirrored in her tense stance, both her arms crossed protectively in front of her and her eyes flickering between the ground and me. _Oh Bella._

I met her eyes with an apologetic grin. "You really are an easy tease…do you know that?"

She gasped. "And you are cruel." Her eyes shot daggers at me but she couldn't hide her amusement.

"And you were not?" I countered. "Besides, I think the fresh air could do us both some good at this point…Anyway, you now have my undivided attention, I believe you were about to elaborate?" I added in a softer tone.

She was suddenly very hesitant, unsure of how to phrase this properly the second time around I suspected. I suggestively patted the hood of the car, satisfied that she complied and scrambled herself ungracefully on top of it. Once seated, she swayed her legs hanging down the side casually back and forth, her gaze lost thoughtfully into the nothingness of the landscape.

"I promise I won't freak."

I was rewarded with a weak smile. "I know, it's just…hard."

"If it bothers you that much, you don't have to –" I started.

"No - I want to." She assured me, meeting my eyes with a determined look. "I need to get this out…I think. Talking to you might help me understand how he could have done this, how I could've been so wrong about him." She swallowed and watched her hands while I was momentarily stunned by hearing my own thoughts mirrored like that.

"But there's more than that… I'm _terrified._ Don't get me wrong, I feel perfectly safe with you and though you _seem_ the same as I remembered…I can't help fearing that I was wrong about _everything_ – That I was wrong about all of you." Her deep eyes were anxious as she awaited my reply.

If Alice or Esme had been here they would have pulled her into a deep hug, whispering reassuring words in her ear, a soothing hand caressing her shoulders. Emmett would have lifted her up and barked out what a silly little human she was, laughing her worries away and Carlisle would have known the absolute perfect thing to say. I was unable to channel any of them because _I knew_, I felt, how important this was to her and I had nothing to offer her as reassurance. This wasn't some silly notion or worry from a naïve girl. And questioning the motives and morals of vampires – even vegetarian ones – was not silly, it was smart.

In loss of a better plan, I went with honesty.

"I don't know if I have any answers to give you… but I don't think you were wrong about everything." I said quietly, looking deeply into her pleading eyes.

"Of course –" I added, "that would depend on what you believed before, but I think you understood us even better than we did ourselves at times… Although some may say you quenched your natural fears and instincts when trusting us, I believe that you acknowledged them but weighed it against everything else you found out. Bella - I know your feelings for our family, just as I know they are greatly returned."

I hesitated for a second – I never liked doing this – before sending a mixed selection of our collective feelings towards her to back up my point and watched her brown eyes widened in surprise as she sensed them inside her. The dark depths warmed to a deep chocolate color when she felt the soft of caress of Esme's motherly love and I noticed her lips twitch at the corner of her mouth with the flavor of Alice's bubbly excitement.

"That was for you" I stated unnecessarily.

"And this is from when Alice told us about Edward," I continued, sending a brief flash of the family's response to his dark choice her way that put a frown on her pale face. I felt a weird impulse to reach out and smooth out the shallow wrinkle that didn't belong there but quenched it quickly in surprise. _Where the hell did that come from?_

She was silent for a moment before responding.

"Jasper - that was…amazing. I could actually _feel_ them, almost smell them and hear their voices… how did you do that?"

"Secrets of the trade" I smirked.

She laughed. "I'm really dense, aren't I? Of course it's because of your power - I just didn't know you could do something like that, I mean, it was _their_ emotions."

"I don't do it very often. It is just one facet of the power… I've picked up those emotions from them once and it is like the moment is preserved within me, and I can pull out a perfect copy of it… Only it's more of an imprint or a shadow of the real thing that I have to expand and add to…" I sighed. This sounded absolutely stupid, even to me. "I'm sorry I can't explain it better."

"You don't have to – and really Jasper, thank you!" She was almost teary-eyed but warming joy overrun it and the worry slowly ebbed away from her. "That was exactly what I needed." Her words were amplified with the sincerity she projected at me and I had to swallow, trying to dislodge the sudden lump formed in my throat. I wasn't used to this type of…gratefulness.

And then, like pressing a switch the feeling was suddenly gone.

"So then… that means you have an imprint or whatever of my freak-out earlier and could repeat that to someone?" she realized, looking horror-struck.

"Yes…I could, but I wouldn't. For one, I wouldn't share such things with someone else without the person's consent – _ever_. Second, I try my hardest to keep all 'imprints' – I really wish I had a better word for them – locked away in some remote part of my brain as I for the most part have no intention of ever reliving them."

And now, she was curious. "So_ they_ had given their consent?"

"Well... more or less. Right before we left for Phoenix, I was asked – if I believed you needed the reminder – to show you how important you were to all of – us. I just figured that request was still valid."

"That was –" she swallowed, "really nice of them – eh…you. So if you don't want to relive them, is there any way for you to stop it?"

"The power?" She nodded, "no…I can shield myself somewhat, but not completely – I always get the general scope."

She was ready to ask something else so I intervened. "Are you really this curious or are you just stalling?"

"Actually…" She looked embarrassed. "I really _am_ this curious…but, I may also be stalling just a little." She sighed. "You're right – I should just get it over with–"

And after a long deep breath and a stretching of back and limbs, Bella launched into her full story.

Through some parts of it, I couldn't help but stare at her disbelievingly; at other times I took up pacing back and front of her hunched form outlined against the horizon to distract myself from the intensity of her emotions. Classifying Bella Swan as a strong broadcaster had been a clear understatement; she was an inferno, an inverted singularity – projecting with a power stronger than gravity instead of pulling things in. My fixation with her happy emotions before made much more sense now when I received the other end of the spectra undiluted like this.

The strength of it almost distracted me from my own reaction to her words.

Almost.

I'd already been furious with Edward for stepping of the vegetarian path by choice alone, but now I was starting to actually hate him. Hearing that Edward had left her in a fashion that made her believe _for years_ that he hadn't loved her at all and that she wasn't good enough _for him_ made me want to tear his arrogant head from his body and grind it to powder in my palms.

Jacob seemed like a good kid, werewolf or not, and had done all in his power to make her happy and keep her safe and for the most part, he had succeeded. It looked like Edward's plan was starting to work on a day by day basis and I wondered whether his actions that day would've been different had he known that Jacob was the sole reason that she was not only alive at all, but beyond that; that she was living.

The sad part was, I didn't think so.

Surely, the fact that the man was a werewolf could hardly have helped the situation when Edward found them, but wouldn't he have done the same had she chosen a human – or even another vampire? His behavior clearly stated that he wouldn't respect her choice in the matter - he hadn't when she'd chosen him and neither when she chose this Jacob.

The only plausible conclusion I could unwillingly come to were that he had left – not for her, not to protect her – but for himself. His self-loathing had been a very strong second after love when it came to his feelings around her and perhaps he couldn't stomach it any longer? Either that or he had not expected her to move on and that she would patiently await his return - in which case his actions were even more unsettling. His reasoning remained clouded in confusion.

Bella's fury spiked to unmanageable levels when I tried to decipher his behavior, and after that I took to not reacting much to her story unless I couldn't stop myself.

The part about Victoria just disappearing one day surprised me and I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something off about the situation. Vampires never gave up and hardly ever changed their minds….maybe it was like Bella believed, that she had found out that killing Bella wouldn't be the revenge on Edward Victoria had envisioned…or perhaps she'd decided to go after Edward instead as Bella was so well protected? Possibly the off feeling originated from the uncertainty of her motives, not knowing the enemy's agenda always annoyed me.

And then – she told me about Charlie, and I couldn't help thinking that everything bad that possibly could, seemed to happen to this girl; seek her out like the danger magnet Edward used to name her as. Maybe she wasn't an _inverted _singularity but that there were two sides to it, one sucking everything bad in and the other throwing her responding emotions and reactions out with equal power.

"How did he die." I asked when she lost her train of thought.

"He…drowned, or at least that's what we think – He was fishing of course." Tears had been running freely down her pale cheeks for a while now, but when referring to her father's persistent hobby her eyes warmed lovingly and her lips shaped into the ghost of a smile.

"What do you mean, that's what you think?"

"Yes, well…he was out by himself in Billy's old boat and when he wasn't home in time for dinner I got worried and went out with Jake and the guys to look for him. We found the boat empty, his fishing rod had drifted away and tangled in some trees by the shore. The official investigation concluded that he had been taken off guard by some big fish suddenly biting and fallen over the railing, hitting his head on the way down - they found some blood smeared there. So we think he drowned…but it could have been the hit to his head that killed him too." She put her head in her hands, making her next words almost inaudible. "I should never have let him go out by himself!" The guilt was so strong it was like a shot of acid in my veins.

"Bella…" Unable to stop myself I braved closer and put a tentative hand on her jean-clad knee. "It wasn't your fault. Accidents happen all the time and there was nothing you could have done. Nothing. Death is a part of life...or at least it should be."

"I know…I do, really –" Her tear-streamed eyes met mine. "I just feel so bad for him dying out there all alone and for not realizing something was wrong sooner…maybe–"

"It takes just a few minutes, doesn't it? You had no way of getting there in time, even if you'd known."

The next words out of my mouth shocked both of us. "And he wasn't truly alone…right? He had the forest, the river, the fish…"

Why had I said that? She must think I was a completely heartless bastard.

Bella stared at me for a second before she chuckled hoarsely. "That's an odd way to look at it but I guess you're right…he sure liked his fish for company." She let out a pained laugh.

"I'm sorry Bella, I shouldn't have said–"

"No. You should! I kind of like the idea actually. I'm just, I feel…relieved - sort of…lighter." She pondered. "This is the first time I've talked about this and I'm surprised at how much it…helps."

I nodded, "It usually does. People who keep their emotions locked up never really move forward, it just builds and tear them down from within. I _know_ you're not that type."

She shot me an odd look, the curiosity building by the second-

"Thanks for telling me this." I intervened to throw her of the trail; I really didn't want her to begin investigating my too extensive knowledge of her emotions. I sighed in relief as my diversion exchanged curiosity with self-consciousness.

"Yeah well…don't worry about it." she muttered.

"Anyway, shortly after that Jake moved into the house–" and just like that she jumped right back into her narrating as if nothing had interrupted her.

* * *

No words were spoken after she'd finished and we'd returned to the car, both lost in our own thoughts. She didn't even flinch when I brought the car to maximum speed and I had to call her name twice to make her place her order at the fast-food stop I made. I was a bit embarrassed for not thinking of her need to feed before I felt the hunger rumble inside her, but kind of glad I had my power to prod me in the right direction. Traveling with a human was complicated to say the least.

The day had started to drift into evening and the sun was just a few hours from setting when I finally reached my destination, confident that we'd been able to shake of the pursuing vampires with the massive detour I'd taken to get to this spot. I felt like I could finally let down my guard a bit now that we'd arrived, relived that I would be able to share some of the responsibility of this whole mess with others.

I pulled up the drive and stopped the car in front of the familiar large white structure. As the car stilled completely, Bella startled and shook her head for a moment to clear it. Sleepy eyes focused and glanced out the window, her gaze locking on the woman standing just outside the welcoming doors and she gasped in shock and turned around to face me, recognition bursting from their livid black depths.

"I-" She begun, disbelievingly, but then her eyes hardened and I felt her disappointment and betrayal wash over me.

I didn't back down. "Yes? We should go in, she's already seen us."

She inhaled deeply, as if to calm herself enough to get the words out or maybe keep herself from punching me. "I can't believe you just brought me here without – without my consent!"

* * *

**As always I appreciate your comments; it's what keeps me going!**

**This chapter could have gone on forever (almost did!). I hadn't originally planned for her whole story to be dissected this much, but by popular request I decided to delve deeper into it. :)**

Jasper's power truly fascinates me and the tidbit given here is just one of many attempts to come at exploring it. I want to keep that part at least compatible with canon, so if you think I'm off the realm of possibility – please let me know.

As of now on I plan to write a few chapters ahead before posting the next one, though I'm hoping you won't notice it as I have a lot more time available now. But if not, any wait now will be rewarded with quicker updates later.


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